Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
It's happening again.
Those words fly into my brain like a rocket crashing on the moon; not gently, the way I anticipated it to, not fleetingly, like I had expected. It takes hold, deathgrip-like, plants roots. It expands. It's happening again. Like a scene from a past life in which I cannot recall the details, I know for sure it's happening again. I know this story. It's been told to me before. I heard it from somewhere.
Isolation. Something must be said about that word. Voluntary isolation. There's some sort of weird comfort in that, isn't there? The comfort and security in the knowing that whatever happens, wherever life takes you, you'll always have yourself. You alone have power over yourself. The preachers come, "no man is an island", yes, that is true, but to some extent, man is pretty self-sufficient.
So what happens when you begin to feel like your choices aren't completely your own anymore? Where do you begin to question whether it is time to move on, time to be alone? I've never been one to get into a relationship; I've always felt it hindered me from doing what I want to do with my definition of reckless abandon, with nothing to consider except for myself and how it affects me. When you get into a relationship, you consider someone else's feelings, thoughts, and all of those other superfluous emotions. Your wings get clipped, you float instead of fly.
In some strange way, I never really thought about being a commitment-phobe. It has been joked about, considered, and filed neatly under the category aptly titled "Brush it off". I've always thought once I found a good person, I'll fall prettily into a quiet life of partnership and individuality. I never thought changes to my life would have to be made, especially because my life, in no way, can be faulted. I lead a good life, a fast-paced one, for sure, but aside from my smoking, I don't have any sort of vice. I spend a lot, I read, I shop, I travel -- surely those things aren't hurting anyone. And I don't even consider my smoking a bad habit. I've let my bad habits to rest a few years ago and retired from being a young adult.
When you're younger, you always think that growing up happens slowly, a progressive creep -- but it doesn't happen that way. It happens the minute you wake up and realize that life doesn't owe you any favors. You wake up in the morning, and you sleep at night, and in between, you work like a horse. If you happen to be doing something you love, congratulations. If not, welcome to reality. Life support is a meeting for people coping with life, and they meet everyday at the bar during happy hour.
As a kid, you also never hear the doubts and fears that come when venturing into a relationship as well. And no matter how many times you're told that these things come with the territory, as absolute as the scary clown "Jack" that jumps out of the box after winding the handle, you never quite listen. Right now, I find myself unsure of my surroundings. I don't know if it's new waters, and if it is, is it good or bad? I'm being courted by my friend, and sometimes, I feel like it could be something great, and other times, I feel like cutting the lifeline. Do I just miss the things I used to do when he wasn't around? Or is there something else to these thoughts?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Caught the Midnight Screening of THG at Newport with friends and I must say, I'm so glad I did! Even with my current virus on full force, I felt exhilarated all throughout the film. While they did take some liberties with the script, and the continuity with regards to the book isn't exactly the greatest, I was enchanted enough by Jennifer Lawrence's superb performance, backed by a solid cast, to slightly overlook those details. At times, the camera work was a little too shaky for my liking, but all in all, the film was a veritable feast for the eyes and one cannot help but become gluttonous with it. My only comment is that even with the 2 hours and twenty minutes of blockbuster cinema, non-readers might find the timeline of events a little disjointed and disconnected. At the end of the day, it serves as a great accompaniment to the series, as well as a gateway for future readers.
Every year in the ruins of what was once North America, the evil Capitol of the nation of Panem forces each of its twelve districts to send a teenage boy and girl to compete in the Hunger Games. A twisted punishment for a past uprising and an ongoing government intimidation tactic, The Hunger Games are a nationally televised event in which "Tributes" must fight with one another until one survivor remains. Pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives, Katniss is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy. If she's ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Minsan May Isang Puta
By MIKE PORTES
Apr. 10, 2011
Tingin ng mga bobong kapitbahay ko, puta daw ako. Nagpapagamit, binabayaran. Sabi nila, ako daw ang pinakamaganda at pinakasikat sa aming lugar noon. Di ko nga alam kung sumpa ito, dahil dito naletse ang kinabukasan ko. Tara, makinig ka muna sa kwento ko, yosi muna tayo.
Alam mo, maraming lumapit sa akin. Nagkagusto at naakit. Ang hirap pag lahat sa iyo, virgin eh. Tinanggap ko naman silang tao, bakit kaya nila ako ginago? Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga nangyari sa akin. Bukas palad ko naman silang pinakitunguhan, ni hindi ko nga itinuring na iba. Iniisip ko na nga lang na kasi di sila taga rito kaya siguro talagang ganoon.
Tatlong malilibog na foreigners ang nagpyesta sa katawan ko. Sabi nila na-rape daw ako.
Sa tatlong beses akong nagahasa, ang pinakahuli ang di ko makakalimutan. Parang maski di ko ginusto ang mga nangyari, hinahanap-hanap ko siya. Kasi, ibang-iba ang hagod niya. Umiikot ang mundo ko sa tuwing ginagamit niya ako. May mga pagkakaton na nasusuka na ko sa mga nangyayari sa aming dalawa. Parang ‘pag humahalinghing siya, nararamdaman ko na nalalason ako.. Gusto ko mang umayaw, hindi ko makuhang humindi. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit. Ibang klase din kasi siya mag-sorry eh, lalo pa at inalagaan niya ako at ang mga naging anak ko.
Alam mo, parating ang dami naming regalo – may chocolates, yosi at ano ka! May datung pa! Nakakabaliw siya! Alam kong ginagamit niya lang ako pero pagamit naman ako nang pagamit. Sa kanya namin natutunan mag-inggles, di lang magsulat ha! Magbasa pa!
Nung kinasama ko siya, guminhawa buhay namin. Sosyal na sosyal kami! Ewan ko nga ba, akala ko napapamahal na ako sa kanya. Akala ko tuloy-tuloy na kaligayahan namin, yun pala unti-unti niya akong pinapatay.
Punyetang buhay! Sa dami ng lason na sinaksak niya sa katawan ko, muntik na akong malaspag. Ang daming nagsabi na ang tanga tanga ko. Palayasin ko na daw. Taon ang binilang bago ako natauhang makining sa payo. Iniisip ko kasi na parang di ko kakayanin na mawala siya sa akin… Sa amin! .
Sa tulong ng ilan sa mga anak ko, napalayas ko ang demonyo pero ang hirap magsimula. Hindi nga ako sigurado kung nabunutan ako ng tinik o nadagdagan pa. Masyado na kasi kaming nasanay sa sarap ng buhay na naranasan namin sa kanya, kaya eto nabaon kami sa utang. Lubog na lubog kami sa pagkakautang, kulang yata pati kaluluwa namin para ibayad sa mga inutang namin.
Nakakahiya man aminin pero hanggang ngayon, sa tuwing mabigat ang problema ko, siya ang tinatakbuhan ko. ‘Yun nga lang, kapit sa patalim sabi nga nila. Para akong isang aso na nangagat ng amo, na bumabahag ang buntot at umaamo kapag nangangailangan.
Usap-usapan ako ng mga kapitbahay ko. May nanghihinayang, namumuhi at naaawa. Puta na kasi ang isang magandang katulad ko. Ang dating hinahangaan at humahalina ay nabibili sa murang halaga. Alam mo maski ganun ang mga nangyari sa akin, nilakasan ko pa rin ang loob ko. Kailangan makita ng mga anak ko, na masasandalan nila ako maski ano pang mangyari.
Maski ano pa ang sabihin ng iba, sinisikap namin na maging maganda ang buhay namin. Nag-aambisyon kami at nangangarap. Ayun, may mga anak ako na nasa Japan, Hong Kong, Saudi. Yung iba nag-US, Canada, Europe. ‘Yung iba ayaw umalis sa akin. Halos lahat, wala naman silbi. Masaya daw sa piling ko, maski amoy pusali ako.
Sa dami ng mga anak ko na nagsisikap na tulungan ang kalagayan namin, siya din ang dami ng mga anak ko na nanamantala sa kabuhayan at kayaman na itinatabi ko para sa punyetang kinabukasan naming lahat. Eto na nga ang panahon na halos di na kami makaahon sa hirap ng buhay. Napakahirap dahil nasanay na kami sa ginhawa at sarap.
Alam mo, gusto ko na sanang tumigil sa pagpuputa kaso ang laki talaga ng letseng utang ko eh. Palaki pa ng palaki! Paano na lang ang mga anak kong naiwan sa aking puder? At paano na lang ang mga anak kong nasa abroad? Baka di na nila ako balikan o bisitahin man lang? Hindi na importante kung laspagin man ang ganda ko, madama lang ng mga anak ko ang pagmamahal ko. Malaman nila na ibibigay ko ang lahat para sa kanila.
Sa tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, alam ko maganda pa rin ako. Meron pa din ang bilib sa akin. Napapag-usapan pa din. Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mukha ko sa salamin, nakikita ko ang mga anak ko. Tutulo na lang ang mga luha ko ng di ko namamalayan. Ang gagaling nga ng mga anak ko eh, namamayagpag kahit saan sila pumunta. Mahusay sa kahit anong gawain. Tama man o mali.
Sa dami ng mga anak ko, iilan lang ang may malasakit sa akin. May malasakit man, nahihilaw pa.
Mabigat dalahin para sa akin, ang katotohanan na ni minsan ay di kami naging isang pamilya. Halos lahat ng mga anak ko, galit sa isa’t isa. IIlan ang gusto magtulungan, naghihilahan pa. Madalas kong itinatanong sa sarili ko kung naging masama ba akong nanay para magturingan ng ganito ang mga anak ko?
Kanino bang similya ng demonyo nanggaling ang mga anak kong maituturing mong may mga pinag-aralan pero nakakadama ng saya at sarap sa paghihirap ng kapatid nila? Di ko lubos maisip kung saan impiyerno nanggaling ang kasikiman ng ilan sa mga anak kong ito. Sila pa naman ang inaasahan kong magbabangon sa amin. Nakakabaliw isipin na natitiis nila ang kalagayan ng kanilang mga kapatid na halos mamatay sa hirap ng buhay. Parang di sila magkakapatid sa tindi ng pagkaganid at walang pagmamalasakit.
Ang di ko akalain ay mismong mga anak ko, ang tuluyang sisira sa akin. Kinapital ang laspag na ganda ko. Masaya sila sa mga nabibili nila mula sa pinagputahan ko. Buong angas nilang pinagyayabang ang mga pansamantalang yaman at ang kanilang hilaw na pagkatao sa mga makakakita at makikinig. Talaga bang nakakalula ang materyal na kayamanan at mga titulong ikinakabit sa pangalan? Hindi ko maintindihan.
Minsan sa pagtingin ko sa salamin, ni hindi ko na nga kilala sarili ko.
Dadating na naman ang pasko, sana maalala naman ako ng mga anak ko. Ilang linggo pa, magbabagong taon na. Natatakot ako sa taong darating. Ngayon pa lang usap-usapan na ang susunod na pangbubugaw sa akin. Gagamitin pa nila ang kahinaan ng mga kapatid nilang alipin sa kalam ng tiyan. Sa tagal ng panahong ganito ang sitwasyon namin parang eto lang ang sulok na gagalawan ko. Sana may magtanggol naman sa akin. Ipaglaban naman nila ako. Gusto kong isigaw: “Ina ninyo ako! Pagmamahal nyo lang ang kailangan ko!”
Sensya na, ang haba na ng drama ko. Masisira na ang make up ko nito eh. Salamat ha, pinakinggan mo ako. Malaking bagay sa akin na nakausap kita. Ang tagal nating nag-usap, di man lang ako nagpapakilala.
Ay sorry, di ko nasabi pangalan ko.
Pilipinas nga pala.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Armie. Hammer. Yes. And also, this is far more kid-friendly than I expected.
One of the most beloved stories of all time is coming to life in the motion picture event for the whole family, Mirror Mirror. A fresh and funny retelling of the Snow White legend, Mirror Mirror features breakout star Lily Collins as Snow White, a princess in exile, and Julia Roberts as the evil Queen who ruthlessly rules her captured kingdom. Seven courageous rebel dwarfs join forces with Snow White as she fights to reclaim her birthright and win her Prince in this magical comedy filled with jealousy, romance, and betrayal that will capture the hearts and imaginations of audiences the world over. The film also stars Armie Hammer as the Prince, and Nathan Lane as the hapless and bungling servant to the Queen.
Caught this last night with Jet and Jandi, and I must say, while only the prospect of using the complimentary tickets were inviting to me, I came out of the cinemas more than pleasantly surprised. I have to raise a glass and toast to Bennett Miller for making what, to me, seemed like just another glorified sports film designed to lure men of all kinds and races to drop dough at the movie house into a charming, funny, and razor-sharp film that would entertain even the biggest baseball dummies. Jet and I, who are two of the un-sportiest people you will ever come across, found ourselves questioning Jandi about what so and so meant, only to be given our answers 2 minutes later by the film itself. We laughed, we teared, and by the end, we were certainly rooting for the Athletics. Plus, the last scene, quiet and nostalgic, was one that stayed with us long after we left the theater.
Based on a true story, Moneyball is a movie for anybody who has ever dreamed of taking on the system. Brad Pitt stars as Billy Beane, the general manager of the Oakland A's and the guy who assembles the team, who has an epiphany: all of baseball's conventional wisdom is wrong. Forced to reinvent his team on a tight budget, Beane will have to outsmart the richer clubs. The onetime jock teams with Ivy League grad Peter Brand (Jonah Hill) in an unlikely partnership, recruiting bargain players that the scouts call flawed, but all of whom have an ability to get on base, score runs, and win games. It's more than baseball, it's a revolution - one that challenges old school traditions and puts Beane in the crosshairs of those who say he's tearing out the heart and soul of the game.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Craving for a sweet and tasty treat? We bring to you our very own California-style FUNNEL CAKES! LIGHT, FLUFFY yet CRISPY and DELICIOUS!
Let's bring back childhood memories of carnivals, fairs and the whole shebang!
Funnel Cakes will be available at the Midnight Mercato at Bonifacio Global City every Saturday beginning March 17! See you there!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A love born of friendship. Isn't that the ideal? Aren't those the stories that the films, the books, the music, have told us is the best form of love? Don't we all wait until we find that one person we never thought we'd find, who coincidentally, have been right in front of us, just as oblivious and ignorant as we are, waiting for the same thing? Isn't that sudden jolt of awareness, or that slow progressive creep, the dawning and realization that we have been so blind and stupid to come into it of our own accord the very thing we crave for most in the world? Isn't falling in like with a friend what we all secretly, buried deep in the tiny crevices of our too-many times broken hearts, want?
I used to think so. Even amidst all of my "it's a bad idea to date a friend" arguments, I secretly believed that to the few lucky ones who happened upon this great form of love, they had it best. Even after countless debates and endless introspection, even knowing the enormous risks of this undertaking, I found that those brave, fortunate ones deserved what they got. We needed people like them to pin our own hopes on, didn't we? We, with our neuroses and flaws and imperfections, needed to find people who inspired us to fight the good fight... fail, and keep fighting.
I get it. I see the appeal. It's wonderful to realize that something so pure and genuine as a platonic love, based solely on personality and time spent together, can develop into a love that provokes emotions so intense, you feel it palpitate. You see it breathe a life of its own. That's awe-inspiring. It's what inspires artists to make their art. It puts notes on a sheet, words on paper, paint on a canvas, actions into film. People spend their lifetimes looking for something even remotely close to that.
However, what the movies don't tell you is the uncertainty and insecurity that comes with falling in like with a friend. They don't show you the overanalyzing, the conflicting emotions, the discrepancy in sides,the gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, stomach-churning, panic-inducing, gripping fear that holds you hostage when you're at limbo over what happens next. They keep you in the dark of how to handle situations when his own friends doubt his motives. If they don't trust him, why should you?
Then begins the insecurity, the pit-falling feeling of not being first choice. That rollercoaster of emotion when you think you are his last desperate attempt to get it just right. When comfort and assurance that you are a good person who will not do something so drastic as to break his heart, especially because you don't have the power to do so, are the only things going for you, is the love still great?