The Weekenders

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Dark Shadows

Barnabas Collins (Depp) — He was an 18th century gentleman, a businessman just before the Revolutionary War, who was transformed against his will into a vampire and buried in a tomb for two centuries. After he finally emerges, uncovered by construction workers in the year 1972, he seeks out his descendants — as well as some long-ago foes and a possible lost love.

“He’s been alive this whole time and very hungry, with no idea what’s going on outside,” says screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith (author of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which Burton is producing as a film.)

Barnabas is one vampire who is just as frightened of our times as we are of him, says producer Richard D. Zanuck: “Two-hundred years later, he’s suddenly walking into the town he saw being built and seeing girls in skirts, cars for the first time. It’s a man-out-of-time, supernatural horror story, but I put ‘horror’ in quotes.”

Despite his confusion, he’s still a ladies man. “In some sense he can be a terrifying killer; on the other hand, women have a weakness for him and he has a weakness for women,” Grahame-Smith says. “He can be a very well-mannered, well-meaning vampire most of the time, until his stomach is empty or someone challenges his beloved Collins family.”

Here’s that family, from left to right:

Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter) – From Alice in Wonderland’s Red Queen, to the cannibalistic cook Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd, Burton can’t help but cast the mother of his children as a deranged person. This prim and proper psychiatrist, who has taken up residence with the Collins family to care for their troubled youngest boy, might seem to break that trend — but don’t bet on it. “Dr. Hoffman’s been there for years, working with David [the little boy in the photo] but not making any progress. He still claims he sees ghosts and talks with his dead mother,” Grahame-Smith says. “She’s crazy but brilliant. Obviously she’s an eccentric, and definitely likes a drink or two. She’s definitely a little bit off her rocker, and is a woman with a lot of secrets herself.” The writer teases: “She’ll also become interested in Barnabas in more than one way. “

Carolyn Stoddard (Chloë Moretz) — Though she played a voracious child vampire in the acclaimed (but little seen) Let Me In, Moretz is on the human side of the spectrum in Dark Shadows — though that doesn’t mean this cousin of young David Collins isn’t without her own peculiarities. “Carolyn is your typical early 1970s teenager,” Grahame-Smith says of the girl, the daughter of Michelle Pfeiffer’s character (seen on the far right). “She likes her music and likes her magazines, and does not like anyone in her family. She likes to keep her door closed and keep to herself. She’s pretty normal, but appearances can be deceiving. I wouldn’t say there is a normal person in this photo.”

Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green) — The Bond girl from Casino Royale turns up here as the villain of the story. “Angelique is a witch who has known Barnabas since the 1700s, when they had an affair that went sour. She is the one who cursed him to be a vampire and locked him in that box,” Grahame-Smith says. “Since he has been away, Angelique has made it her life’s mission to destroy the Collins family. So when Barnabas turns up again after all these years, she’s not very happy to see him.”

David Collins (Gulliver McGrath) — Lonely, confused, and neglected by his pompous father (Jonny Lee Miller, over on the right next to Pfeiffer), David has no one to confide in except his bizarre psychiatrist — and the dead people he claims to see. Grahame-Smith describes him as “a sweet, curious, precocious little boy whose family has branded him as slightly crazy.” Then he finally gets a new caretaker to look after him …

Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcote) — This young woman arrives to become David’s new governess, only to find herself swept up in the vampire-witch melodrama. “When Barnabas meets Victoria, he’s instantly reminded of the woman he lost in the 1700s, before he was cursed to be a vampire,” Grahame-Smith says. “I wouldn’t say he falls in love with her, but there’s an instant attraction, an instant connection.” Is she the reincarnation of his doomed lover Josette du Pres? “We get the sense at the beginning she has a secret past, and that’s unraveled as it goes on,” the screenwriter says.

Mrs. Johnson (Ray Shirley) — “Poor old Mrs. Johnson …” Grahame-Smith sighs when talk turns to the old woman seated in the back behind Depp. “She is the mostly blind, mostly deaf maid, who has been with them for decades and decades. You might find her polishing a piece of silverware with a slab of baloney because she thinks it’s a polishing cloth. I don’t think she actually says anything in the entire film. She’s just sort of there.” He laughs: “Adding her was Tim’s idea.”

Willie Loomis (Jackie Earle Haley) — How awesome is it to play an actual Groundskeeper Willie? The Oscar-nominee for Little Children is a slightly more competent servant than Mrs. Johnson, but that’s not saying much. “He’s the guy who takes out the trash, mows the lawns, and fixes the cars, except he’s usually so drunk and so disinterested that he doesn’t take his job seriously anymore,” Grahame-Smith says. “The lawn is overgrown, the house has fallen into disrepair, and all the cars are on cinder blocks. His heart’s definitely not in the job anymore.”

Roger Collins (Jonny Lee Miller) — This scion of the once-great Collins family is one of the main reasons the aristocratic clan has fallen into such disgrace. “He’s a creepy, self-centered guy who likes to order Willie around, likes to pretend the family is still on top of his game,” Grahame-Smith says. Not only is he a bad father to David, but he is a poor manager of whatever meager wealth the family retains. “When Barnabas shows up and has some very specific ideas about how to make things right, he’s obviously going to bump heads with Roger Collins.”

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer) — The mother of Carolyn Stoddard, and mother-figure to David, she’s the one adult member of the Collins clan who is at least slightly competent. “Elizabeth is the rock of the family. She’s the matriarch,” Grahame-Smith says. “She’s the keeper of the Collins history, and a fierce protector of what remains of her family. She’s the one that insists on the best care for the children, even though money isn’t what it used to be. She’s a very strong woman who unfortunately has been dealt a very difficult deck.” With a witch perpetually trying to destroy her, and a long lost vampire relative turning up to reclaim control, “there’s just too much for her to handle,” Grahame-Smith says.


SOURCE.

Mr. A-Z

Years later, and I'm just as big a Jason Mraz fan as I was when I first heard his stunning lyrics and wonderful melodies nearly a decade ago.

I have to say, though I still hugely enjoy his later work, I do miss the slightly perverted, faster songs of his first few albums (Waiting For My Rocket To Come and Tonight, Not Again are my absolute favorites! However, I still thoroughly enjoy Mr. A-Z and We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.).

I can't wait for October! Marry me, Mraz!

Free Hugs

A couple of weeks ago, 2 of my very good girl friends and I couldn't stop discussing the perennial and continuous banality of our lives. We couldn't explain how exhausted we were of doing the same things over and over, like clockwork.

After tireless conversations regarding this topic, we concluded that we were far from being ungrateful, as it may seem that way to some, because we've led, and are still leading, very charmed lives. We just became wary of being cheered by the same things, as well as getting sad over the same ones.

When familiarity starts to breed contempt, you can't just rest on your laurels and continue talking about how ennui has taken over.

You need to do something interesting.

You need to become a better person.

You need to pay it forward.

No means no.

"No" means no.
"Not now" means no.
"I'd rather be alone" means no.
"No thanks" means no.
"I have a boy/girlfriend" means no.
"Maybe later" means no.
"Let's just go to sleep" means no.
"Uhhh..." means no.
"It hurts" means no.
"Fuck you" means no. ("Fuck me" means yes)
"I'm not in the mood" means no.
"You're not my type" means no.
Silence means no.
Staying still means no.
"I really like you, but..." means no.
"You're/ I'm drunk" means no.
Not kissing back means no.
"I'm not sure" means no.
"You've/ I've been drinking" means no.
"Stop" means no.
"Don't touch me" means no.
"Fuck off" means no.

Gentlemen, please be guided accordingly. I'm so sick of guys who think that "no" means "yes" and "yes" means "harder".

Sensitive Topic

Welcome to the age of uninnocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. Instead we have breakfast at 7 am and affairs we try to forget as soon as possible.- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

In a generation whose media portrays pre-marital sex as something so innocuous and normal, the ratio for virgins stand 1:10. There's one virgin amidst a sea of ten very happy, completely chill, sexually active, consenting adults. Looking at it that way, sex doesn't seem like such a big deal. Those one out of ten high-strung adults are as rare a breed as unicorns. Some will think they're prudish, old school -- well, more old testament than old school, and religious zealots, and some will think it's pretty darn great that they decided to wait.

The waiting isn't the problem. What poses a bigger question is what exactly you're waiting for. Some of the more religious girls will say it's a gift they want to bestow to their future husbands. These girls were probably the really sweet, really meek ones who grew up to actually marry Prince Charming. Congratulations. You hit the jackpot. Then again, on the other side of the non-sexually active spectrum, you have the people like me. We're the ones who don't know exactly what we're waiting for. In a world where sex is just as normal as riding a bicycle, is there something wrong with us?

There must be something said for delayed and prolonged gratification. However, there are no guarantees that the first time for us waiting-for-the-right-person/moment can be less painful, or easier to face than those awkward, gangly, teenagers doing it for the first time. It's just as scary for us twenty-somethings. I would even go so far as to say that it might just be harder.

For example:

How do you pick who you want to lose your virginity to? Let's get real. There's a bigger chance of Bozo the Clown falling in love with the Grim Reaper than you marrying the person you lose your virginity to. If you lose your virginity to them AFTER marrying them, that's a different story. But come on, will you even get to that point without sex at this day and age?

Second, how do you NOT suck at it? There's nothing more embarrassing than being such a huge disappointment to whoever you're fooling around with. Especially once you've joined the age of the majority. Being sexually naive is cute in theory, but I'm sure it's more of a hassle than anything else.

Third, should you kiss your dreams of making love after a romantic evening, dim lights, mood music, and scented candles goodbye? Is there less effort put in to sex as you grow older? Will sex be an expectation to and of the dating singleton? If so, at which date is it considered appropriate for you to invite said date inside your place?

Fourth, Should you give in to society's pressure as well as your body's natural inclination to joining with another person's, what is the after sex protocol? Is it a wham, bam, thank you, maam? Do you just get up, get dressed, thank them and leave? Do you have permission to use their shower first? Is naked cuddling under the sheets expected? Do you spoon? Do you spend the night in their arms? And following the latter, if you do happen to spend an all-nighter at someone else's place, how do you deal with the morning after? Can you help yourself to the food in their kitchen? Or coffee, at the least? Do you wear his shirt or fit your body back into that skin-tight, alcohol stained, cigarette smelling dress of yours from the night before? Do you just leave? Do you leave a note? Do you wake them up? What do you say to them if they wake up just as you're dressing up? Should you expect a call from them? Will they expect a call from you? The questions are endless, and after years of existence, you'd think that someone would just finally write a tell-all, dating how-to book and save us the time, pain, and pressure of having to navigate the dangerous waters of dating.

Fifth, is it better to just get sex out of the way as early as possible? If I could transport myself back to a younger age, one where I was a reckless teenager and it was permitted, because I was, well, a teenager, and the opportunity presented itself, should I have just given in then to avoid all of the confusing and conflicting emotions it carries in the future? And if just getting sex out of the way makes things easier, should I just literally ask a friend to take my virginity away before having fun, uncomplicated sex with a significant other thereby lessening the pain they will ultimately inflict upon me when our sham of a relationship falls to pieces? Is it better to be able to say "hey, at least I didn't give that prick the benefit of being my first!"?

And to cap it all off, will sex change me as a person? Sure, changes will undoubtedly be brought about... but losing your virginity for the first time is a big deal. And sex, in general, is a big deal. I want it to stay that way. I never want to be desensitized from that... but once I realize that no big change actually happened, the world didn't end, the ground didn't shake, mountains stayed where they are, the sky is still blue, will sex mean less and less as you get it more and more?

Let's not date.

"Why You Are Wrong For Me"

By KAT GEORGE
Sep. 13, 2011

There are so many reasons why you are right for me. Look! I even made them into a neat list so they’re clear to you:

- We’re enjoying getting to know each other
- We make each other laugh
- We have many similar personality traits
- We are honest with each other
- We see eye-to-eye on many important issues
- We are good at communicating with one another
- We feel comfortable together
- We’re attracted to each other (well I’m at least attracted to you, and I’m guessing you are to me because sometimes you look at me funny)
- We look really cute together
- I get really excited when it’s time to go see you
- It just sort of feels right and natural to be in each other’s company

See! Lots of reasons why you’re right for me, based on what I’m looking for in a partner (and what I assume you, too, are looking for, because we’re so similar in many ways), and these are only the wingtip of the lovebird—I could go on but I don’t want to bore you. And because I don’t think I want to try and convince you that you’re not seeing what’s dancing around in front of your nose throwing glitter and puppy dogs at you yet going completely unnoticed. I shouldn’t have to convince you.

Because, listen, despite all the reasons you’re right for me, there’s one huge, pus-filled blemish that trumps all the other bullet points—you’re not interested in me. Whether you like me or not is irrelevant. You can like me until the cows come home but that’s not going to change the fact that your interest level is humming gently at zero and you’ve got your stupid fat foot on the break (not bitter, promise; your foot is just stupid and fat and that’s not my fault).

So you are wrong for me. You are wrong for me because your mouth doesn’t instinctively melt into mine. You are wrong for me because you’re baulking, and I don’t even really care why anymore, just that you are. You are wrong for me because you can see a way to be without me. And when I think about all the things I’m looking for in a partner, all the other bullet points blur into insignificance if you’re not interested in me.

I thought I was done with romance after all the failed ones, but it turns out I’m not yet ready for the cynical, arms-length relationships I’ve been having. I’m not actually all that broken, believe it or not. Wait, no… Yep, I’m still completely functional. And I want someone to want me like Ryan wanted Marissa. I want you to look at me, to speak to me, to be intrigued by me and to decide, quite simply, “Her.”

You’re wrong for me, and I’m OK with that. I don’t want to be with someone who is wrong for me. Welcome to NYC, bitch—there’s all types of wrong for me out here. And besides, if you were right for me we’d already be together, because that’s what happens when people are right for each other.

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