5 Things...

... I'd tell my teen self.

1. It doesn't get better. Sorry, kid, but everyone lied to you. It doesn't get better, however, you do get stronger. You endure enough of the insults, you withstand enough of the comings and goings, you bear enough of the hardships, and pretty soon, those things will slide off of you like warm butter going down your throat. You won't really be immune to it, not really. Not completely. But it doesn't get you down as much. You don't cry as much as you used to, or hate as hard as you used to. You'll learn to let go of thoughts of revenge and vindication. You'll learn to laugh at other things and you'll be all the better for it. So, my little friend, endure.

Connie & Carla

I first saw Connie & Carla when it came out 8 years ago and I absolutely adored it! Nia Vardalos's and Toni Collette's portrayal as the titular bestfriends are a perfect blend of naive, idealistic, sweet, and sassy. However, their light shined the most when they donned their tranny personas and snapped their tiny, non-man-fingers as the act at a dinner-theater-to-be in Los Angeles. Throw in a few other woah-men plus some David Duchovny and you're sure to find yourself laughing along with the audience of Connie & Carla's ridiculous drag show.

Actress and writer Nia Vardalos, who became an overnight sensation with My Big Fat Greek Wedding, returns to the big screen with this gender-bending comedy. Connie (Vardalos) and Carla (Toni Collette) are best friends who've shared the same dream ever since they were teenagers -- making a name for themselves in the musical theater. However, after years of treading water on Chicago's dinner theater circuit and playing bottom-of-the-barrel nightclubs, the two are facing middle age with minimal career success. One evening after a performance, Connie and Carla have the misfortune of witnessing the murder of nightclub owner Frank (Michael Roberds) by low-level Mafiosi; the gals are seen by the shooters, and they hit the road in fear for their lives. Connie and Carla end up in Los Angeles, where they struggle to create new identities for themselves. After witnessing a drag review at a nightclub, they realize that even they have more talent than most of the men performing that evening, and they decide to pose as female impersonators in hopes of landing a gig. Connie and Carla's new act is an immediate hit, and soon they're the toast of L.A.'s gay community. But the women discover it's difficult to keep on fooling people into believing they're men, and things become even more complicated when the Mobsters discover that Connie and Carla are in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, Connie finds herself falling for Jeff (David Duchovny), a regular guy looking for his cross-dressing brother who can't understand why he's developing a crush on a drag queen.

Prom

Disney's Prom. Where to begin? Disney's Prom gives you exactly what you expect it to: a flat story, some cheesy lines, but for a few minutes, some cotton candy enjoyment. It is something to watch when you have nothing to watch at all. Without the charm of Disney's earlier stuff, plus the lackluster cast, the only true reason to watch it is boredom. And even then, you'll still get a little bored. But oh, this one has a surprisingly good soundtrack!

At "Prom," every couple has a story and no two are exactly alike. Several intersecting stories unfold at one high school as the big dance approaches; "Prom" portrays the precarious passage from high school to independence as some relationships unravel and others ignite. For Nova Prescott (Aimee Teegarden), it's a battle of wills as she finds herself drawn to the guy (Thomas McDonell) who gets in the way of her perfect prom. Fellow seniors Mei (Yin Chang) and Tyler (De'Vaughn Nixon) harbor secrets, while others face all the insecurity and anticipation that surrounds one of high school's most seminal events. There are hundreds of nights in high school, but there's only one "Prom."

The Dark Knight Rises

There is little to say about Christopher Nolan's final installment in his Dark Knight Trilogy that hasn't already been said. Combined with Nolan's visual genius is a stunning cast and a heart-stopping screenplay that will resonate in the hearts of Batman and DC fans the world over. It will create a new army of comic book geeks that'll keep the spirit of the Dark Knight alive, and carry it with them for a long time. The epic conclusion indeed.

It has been eight years since Batman vanished into the night, turning, in that instant, from hero to fugitive. Assuming the blame for the death of D.A. Harvey Dent, the Dark Knight sacrificed everything for what he and Commissioner Gordon both hoped was the greater good. For a time the lie worked, as criminal activity in Gotham City was crushed under the weight of the anti-crime Dent Act. But everything will change with the arrival of a cunning cat burglar with a mysterious agenda. Far more dangerous, however, is the emergence of Bane, a masked terrorist whose ruthless plans for Gotham drive Bruce out of his self-imposed exile. But even if he dons the cape and cowl again, Batman may be no match for Bane..

Magic Mike

Let me begin by saying that by no stretch of the imagination did I go in to watch Magic Mike expecting a bevy of emotions to paralyze and transfix me. Lo and behold, I was correct. While not horrible, I found that this film just about balances the objectifying female gaze (meaning yes, we do enjoy watching these men) and comedy. So, to me, it is just like any other chick-flick that Hollywood has thrown at us. No one's performance was exemplary, but I did find some rather useless characters -- Olivia Munn's character Cody Horn's character.

Set in the world of male strippers, Magic Mike is directed by Steven Soderbergh and stars Channing Tatum in a story inspired by his real life. The film follows Mike (Tatum) as he takes a young dancer called The Kid (Pettyfer) under his wing and schools him in the fine arts of partying, picking up women, and making easy money.

The Amazing Spider-Man

Getting a little behind on my movies list, so please do forgive me for this sudden onslaught of posts...

Marc Webb's take on the unbelievably limber comic hero Spider-man is a far more thrilling adventure than any reboot has a right to be. Led by Andrew Garfield's angsty, sarcastic, and (forgive the term, but for lack of a better word) swaggerific Peter Parker, this web-slinging, building-swinging roller coaster ride delivers where the original trilogy failed to go. His combination of youthful (in)exuberance and wry humor creates this illusion of teenage rebellion that puts the cherry on top of this delicious action-packed sundae. And as lady luck would have it, Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy makes for a far better female lead than Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane. The awkward yet charming chemistry between the two makes for a surprisingly sweet addition to the otherwise darker remake.

The Amazing Spider-Man is the story of Peter Parker (Garfield), an outcast high schooler who was abandoned by his parents as a boy, leaving him to be raised by his Uncle Ben (Sheen) and Aunt May (Field). Like most teenagers, Peter is trying to figure out who he is and how he got to be the person he is today. As Peter discovers a mysterious briefcase that belonged to his father, he begins a quest to understand his parents' disappearance - leading him directly to Oscorp and the lab of Dr. Curt Connors (Ifans), his father's former partner. As Spider-Man is set on a collision course with Connors' alter-ego, The Lizard, Peter will make life-altering choices to use his powers and shape his destiny to become a hero.

The Cynics

A year later and I still have nothing good to say about the Romantics. The entire film was a disappointment, save for this one bright light: the most honest cinematic conversation of the year.