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Goodbyes are the one thing that never gets old. No matter how many goodbyes you've had, it still stings every time it happens. The human capacity for endurance never ceases to amaze me... most times in a good way, but sometimes in a harsh one. Every time we experience something good, there's that lingering fear of loss. Hidden in the deepest, darkest, corners and crevices of our minds, maybe, but still always present; never gone. It's why we take so greedily moments of true, uninhibited, utter joy. Still, while knowing that this happiness is fleeting, we jump on it every chance we get. Have we all turned to martyrdom? Or is the opposite true -- do we believe so easily that this goodbye is always the last?

I recently got back from another trip to Singapore to visit my sister and her family. While there, we picked up right where we left off. Maybe that's the good thing about family... you're connected at the heart so there's nothing you can do that can ever make them stop loving you. The days were spent laughing and hugging and reminiscing and catching up. By the last day though, a sadness hung in the air. A felt finality for this too short reprieve. An unsung melody. A goodbye.

Our eyes were red from trying to prevent the tears from inevitably falling, our nostrils flared and quivered with the effort to hold them back. You have never known pain if you've never seen a reluctant yet inescapable parting between loved ones. With this though, comes the bliss of knowing that you'll soon be together again. But honestly, even that knowledge won't be enough to console you for the moment.

My sister once told me that the best part of leaving home is coming home. So with that in mind and heart, I impatiently wait for my family to come where there is a surfeit of laughter and an abundance of love... home.

**

Photos:

Gettin' some dinner at the airport.

Constant companions: Drei & ate Iyay

Smoking Lounge. Can you spot me?

John Grisham's The Chamber.

One of the greatest things in the world is waking up to you, Baba.

On our way to Universal Studios. Yay!

Just 3 of the most beautiful ladies in the world.

[NOTE: Photos will be added later on.]

Behold the Red Fury

I can't even begin to explain how happy I am with the worldcup finals. Here were some thoughts I wanted to tweet while watching the game:

(Chronological)

- Undeserved Yellow Card for Puyol.

- Sergio Ramos getting a Yellow Card was another WTF moment.

- I want your million pound fingers, Iker. Nice saves.

- 3 Yellow Cards for Netherlands. I demand Red! Poor Xabi received a flying kick to the chest. ):

- ICU Morgan Freeman lookin' all glum.

- FLY, IKER!

- Free Kick fail by Netherlands. Ahahaha!

- STAY AWAY FROM PUYOL says the referee. :P

- I spot the FAKED double whammy by Netherlands.

- Keep calm, Xabi love.

- FLY, PUYOL.

- Don't push Xabi, Netherlands! ):

- 4 Yellow Cards and counting for Netherlands.

- Poor Villa! 5 Yellow Cards for Netherlands.

- Referee trying to join in on the game. ROFLMAO.

- Jesus Navas, I feel like you're going to become a Spanish Commodity very soon.

- Casillas is a beasssst! My heart leapt at that almost goal but San Iker made sure to protect Spain.

- Seriously? at that Yellow Card for Capdevila. 3 Yellow Cards for Spain. Blood bath!

- LOL at everyone watching Sergio Ramos head action. Too adorbs for words.

- Iniesta is PISSED.

- Iker, you truly are a saint.

- Do your thing, sexy Cesc!

- I love Xabi's little cheer to Cesc as Cesc Fabregas subbed for him. ( :

- Extra time. Getting nervous!

- Netherlands finally getting a Red Card! ABOUT TIME.

- Another Yellow Card for Netherlands making it an even 6!

- Fernando Torres is in! My baby Nando. ( :

- Angry Iker is sexy. His face during that scary Netherlands free kick was dreamy.

- INIESTA GOAL!

- Iker and his tears of joy. ( :

- Another Yellow Card for Spain. Sergio Busquets making it a 4!

- Baby Nando pulled a hamstring. ) :

- Baby Iker's face while carrying the trophy. (:

I watched the game over at Copper Grill with AM, Kalvin, Mikaela, Smao, Nas, Yas, Chaz, Don, Rid, Markee and Russ. We all had such a blast! AM and I donned red shirts, red headbands, and red lips to show our support. Viva La Furia Roja!

"...sheer talent and a distaste for nastiness can prevail."

- CBS News Sportswriter Chris Matyszczyk on Spain's world cup victory

ECSTATIC,

Essa.

Show me the light... or not.

Earlier today, I attended a bible study that my good friend, Mackenzie, frequented. In the meeting, we were shown a video clip of a man professing his faith in the Almighty. He compared an individual's faith in God to that of a husband & wife's relationship -- with God playing the husband, and man taking on the role of wife. He proclaimed how very wrong most people's perception of God is, that God is a shepherd and we're all here to do his bidding, and it got me to thinking, how many theories about God and Man are there... and are some truer than others?

Listening to the opinions of the different members of this group was almost disheartening in its same-ness. I witnessed first-hand how easily swayed some people are by provocative words and enthusiastic sermons. Should they attend an anti-religious meeting... would they just as easily believe in the worst? Still, amidst my initial disappointment, it was wonderful to know that in a world as jaded and cynical as ours, there still exists the perennial optimists. Those so ready to walk the earth blind.

Where is the line differentiating the over-religious zealots and the believers though? One of the questions asked by the group facilitator was that which one of us had people we could say knew us completely, and I was the only one to raise my hand. A sudden burst of angry protests erupted from that insanely small number of people. I was attacked for my beliefs. Whatever happened to "To each their own"? If this works for me... then why "fix" what isn't broken?

By the end of the meeting, I was convinced that these people simply wanted to liken coincidences to destiny. They fantasized and sensationalized common occurrences to glorious events. Are these people setting themselves up for disappointment... or are we just happy in the fact that we are not overly happy? I became even more questioning and skeptical of religion after having attended this session.

One thing is for certain though, I just came home from a meeting with a group of people who never tire of hearing their own voices and enjoy convincing people that they are in the know.

A bible study full of megalomaniacs. Irony certainly has a dirty sense of humor.

Perplexed,
Essa

Birthday Post

To everyone who has greeted me a wonderful birthday, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm feelin' the love and it's only 7am!

To those whom I haven't seen nor talked to in ages yet still managed to find some way to let me know they're thinking about me on this very special day, thank you.

To friends I see occasionally who greeted me and made it known that they value my friendship, thank you.

To friends scattered the world over whom, despite the time differences, greeted me 12am my time just so I know they haven't forgotten me, thank you.

To friends that have become family that visited me, talked to me the entire night because they weren't able to be with me in person, who greeted me time and time again on all mediums, thank you. I couldn't ask for a more diverse, witty, intellectually stimulating, and hilarious group of people to call the family that I have made my own.

To family members spread throughout the world who managed to greet me when everyone else was greeting me, thank you. I miss you and I love you so much. You've disproved the saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder. While I do miss you terribly and love you irrevocably, distance had nothing to do with that. I would feel the same way were you sitting beside me at this moment.

To my blood, without whom I wouldn't really be the me you all are greeting, thank you. From the deepest pit of my heart, thank you. Nothing in this world would matter if I didn't have such an amazing support group; a collection of individuals so uniquely their own but manages to complement each other in spite of our differences. You make me so proud.

This day, so far, has been all that is beautiful and I have no one else to thank but you.

Today also happens to be the birthday of 2 very beautiful women I look up to and admire. Alyssa Rellosa, who is such an epic piece of work, and my maternal grandmother, who is quite a character. I am honored to share my birthday with the two of you.

Lola, I know you've moved on to heaven now, but I think about you all the time. Especially today, not just because it is your birthday, but because it is also the day we put you down to rest. You passed on such sage wisdom to my mom, and she inherited your quiet strength that to this day, I am in awe of the grace (pun intended!) in which you both carry yourself. A smarter, stronger, more beautiful woman the world is yet to know. Happy birthday, Lola. I love you.

I'm not fond of birthdays... but I can't deny the infectious cheer you've all brought to mine.

Peace and all good things,

Essa.

***

Personalized greetings from friends: [Click images to enlarge]

Iker Casillas greeting card from Kalvin Gaviola

Photobooth greeting from Jenn Enriquez

Henry Cavill and I greeting card by Criela Fragante

Private Facebook message from a Highschool Professor I put through hell!

Facebook wallpost from my crush! HAHA

HAHA! I love these! Keep 'em coming, friends! Keep sending your own personalized greetings, no matter how funny or stupid they look. (:

Love at it's purest form.

Usually, when I say I have the best family in the world, it's something I say off-handedly. I know it to be true, and there's no need for me to question it. So whenever I get reminded, no matter how unnecessary that reminder is, of why and how I know that I truly do have the best family in the world, I tear up and thank the good Lord.

I logged on to my facebook a couple of days ago to find that my sister tagged me in a note. I read it, cried, and again gave thanks. No man or woman, adult or child, deserves to be this blessed. Attached below is my sister's note.

Earlier this afternoon, I wasn't feeling too well. In fact, I had a slight fever. I asked Ally to watch the new episodes of iCarly while I take a quick nap.

After finishing her show, Ally woke me up and told me in her giddy kilig way that Freddy of iCarly kissed Carly. I tried to muster some sort of expression. I guess, Ally knows me all too well. She knew something was up since I didn't react violently to her watching that scene. She noticed that I was feeling much worse than when I took that nap. She started to get concerned. She messaged her dad and told him that I was feeling sick. (It's just me and Ally at home)

She didn't bother to wait for his reply. She's witty, this little one. She's a quick thinker. She tucked me in bed and covered me with some blankets. She gave me a hug and told me to get some rest. She insisted on making me some calamansi juice, which is what I do whenever she starts to feel feverish. I was worried. She could hurt herself slicing the calamansi into halves. I tried to argue but she wouldn't have any of it. She wouldn't listen. She assured me that she could do it. After all, she's seen me do it so many times. She insisted and said, "I'll be very careful, Mom. I won't use a sharp knife." She meant the bread knife. I reluctantly gave in. After about 15-20 mins, I was starting to get worried but since I did not hear any cries, I knew she was fine. Shortly after that, she came back with a glass of warm calamansi juice. I asked her "Does this have sugar already?" She giggled and said "No. No wonder it tastes so funny." She left the room, added some sugar, came back and made me drink it.

After I settled in bed again, she checked her messages and found some instructions from her dad. She read it twice then left the room again this time to prepare some cold compress which she can put on my burning hot forehead. She brought in a small blue tub filled with ice, rubbing alcohol and cold water. After dipping the face towel in cold water, she placed it as gently as she could (which wasn't that gentle but it was the best feeling in the world) on my forehead and covered my eyes. She fixed my blankets, took away the handphone ( I was reading some tweets) and firmly said, "Stay away from the light! (She meant the Mac, the TV and of course, the cell)" I wanted to refuse, of course. But I knew I had to set an example. She was doing the exact same thing that I would have done if I was in her position and she in mine.

She checked her messages again and updated her dad. Daddy told her to check my temperature. And check, she did. Every 30 minutes in fact, even alarmed her cell so she wouldn't forget. Daddy told her to give me some Rexidol too for my fever and she did just that. She went through my medicine bag and asked me to describe it. When she found it, she placed it in my mouth and gave me the calamansi juice to drown it with. I slept so peacefully after that despite her watching Drake and Josh (the TV series). I woke up shortly after the show finished and I felt so much better! No fever at all so she gave me back my computer rights. =)


As a child, I never remembered making coffee or calamansi juice or taking care of my parents when they were sick. I wasn't a bad child. But back then, I felt that as a child, the most I could do for my sick parents was to stay away from them. Don't bother them so they won't feel worse than they already do. Sorry, mom and dad.

What an amazing eye-opening experience. I'm overwhelmed by her independence and her sweetness. I know this may not seem like much to others but for me, it's a telltale of what kind of relationship I have with my daughter. I have no words. I am completely floored.

It got me thinking how every once in awhile, people remind me of how amazing Ally is. It can be Ally's teachers, principal, ballet coach, my sisters, my parents, my husband, my friends, other moms, random strangers. I'd like to thank you all for the kind words.

But to you Ally, I want you to know that I don't need any reminding. Why? Because I see it. I see it.. everyday. I love you, baby!

Ally, Mommy Mai, and to the rest of my family... truly, I am so thankful to have been born a part of you. I love you all.

With all that I've done wrong I must have done something right.

Tearful,

Essa

Should or Shouldn't?

How absolutely frustrating it is to be in want of some new things while you're saving up for a trip abroad. Ugh. Wanted to order these babies for myself from forever 21 then just have it shipped over from the US of A to our side of the pond, but dad advised me to just ask my aunt to get them for me and then just have my grandmum take it when she travels back here. Here's hoping!


Planning to get this in black and cream.



Which is cuter?



I'm leaning more towards the rose colored straps for this pair.



How amazing are these sunnies?



I hate to jump the wagon, but these black & red floral wayfarers have wormed their way inside my heart.

Please, please, please. I really want these!

In Lust,
Essa.

Photodump: Beach Wedding

The Wedding of Kara Santos and Art Fuentes
held at Palm Beach, Batangas
last 29th of May, 2010.