Another Year, Another Goodbye

Something I wrote on the plane yesterday...

It's painful to leave a place behind, but it's even more painful to leave people you love along with it. This Singapore trip to come see my sister & her family is a little different from my others, thanks in large part to the companionship of my closest friend (and lack thereof, of my usual travel-buddies: other siblings). We packed, we flew, we saw, we hugged, we laughed, we shopped, we experienced, we cried, then sadly, we left.

Ultimately, my posts regarding Singapore all boil down to the parting. I've described it by many ways in the past, and while all are accurate, no words will ever be enough to describe the gut-wrenching, pit-falling, heart-squeezing stab of pain you experience every time you part with someone you love.

I thought today would be easier, and maybe, in some ways, it was. I thought that by leaving early in the morning, with almost no room, no time for stretched-out and prolonged goodbyes, with no bonding moments and memories from that day itself, it would be less painful and less teary. But like ripping off a bandaid, sharp, immediate and instantaneous, the stab of pain is surprising, cutting off your air in that perfect moment of exhaling. You choke on a sob, and flashes of trying to get your head above sea water comes to mind. There is a mad dash and scramble with your composure and just when you think you've reigned it in, your face scrunches up in that ugly crying face that can soften even the hardest of hearts.

I guess that is what happens when you rip off the bandaid before the wound turns into a scab; when you expose the opened, bruised, and scratched tissues of yourself. There is a dark sickly taste of rust in your mouth as the wind glides over the wound. Right now, ripped away long before I am ready, my nose is filled with snot, my eyes look like red saucers or tomatoes, my mouth tastes salty tears, I feel the pang of hurt in my opened heart. But as I fly home, with memories that'll have to do for now, my closest friend sleeping soundly beside me in the plane, and my sister's, brother-in-law's, and niece's voices still fresh in my ear, I take with me the comfort of Drei's words: There are no goodbyes, just see you laters.

So mommy Mai, kuya Vince, and Ally... I'll see you later.

PopBooth

From the minds of babes.

Here's a short story my 8 year old niece wrote over the span of 2 hours, while sipping her frappucino. How amazing is she? Babs, you are so talented. I love you. I'm so proud of you!

Disclaimer: Spelling and grammar mistakes are hers. Phrases/Concept/Whatnot are all hers as well. Absolutely no editing on my part.

Dreams or Premonition

“Haha!” The evil laugh of the murderer echoed around the house. I panted and shrieked for my parents and siblings. I went into my room and I saw my brother at the corner of my room, crying. As I walked towards him and came to a sudden halt. I heard the laugh once more. This time, louder than ever. I turned around and saw the murderer. He had a smirk on his face. He wore a black jacket and it was filled with bloody knives. He was about to choke me when I heard my mom.

“Amy! School!” I turned sideways and next thing I knew, I was flat on the floor. I scuryed out of bed and dashed downstairs,. I could smell the aroma of the overcooked but crunchy bacon. I must have had a nightmare. I blabbed about my dream and it sounded like the continouese of my previous dream I prepared my clothes for school and headed off.

Once at school, I met up with my usual friends, telling them about the dream. Adam said, “Amy! Remember the guns and cap before and before that, the bag and glass mirror? Now, it’s the jacket and the knives, all were covered in blood! Amy, I think that you are in danger. Someone in school is a murderer!!!! We have to figure it out!” I made the crazy sign with complete disbelief. I looked at Macey for support but she was already nudging me! I must have been too upset with Adam to notice that she was taking Adam’s side. I said without thinking, though it was in a harsh tone, “Fine, let’s investigate!”

We kept talking until we reached Science class. I stared into space thinking about the dream. The bell rang and finally, I was back to reality.

I walked back home endlessly thinking about the dream. I though of someone, who hates me, loves to wear black and red and is amazed by guns, knives, broken mirrors and death? Gina!

I was not able to sleep that night with the possibility of dying while sleeping? No way!

The next few days were tiresome. I did not see Macey for about a month and Adam broke an arm. Our Science teacher, Professor George gave us tons of shomework and asked me to go for extra classes. I was bored to death!

It was the coldest day of the week and I saw Gina in her reddest and blackest outfit ever and a cap with a sharp knife on it. She laughed loudly at the sight of me. Ugh! She must have found out about my extra classes. I entered the lab.

It was getting colder and my eyelids were getting heavier. A sudden laugh had awoken me. It was the same evil laugh I heard in my dream. I looked around and nobody was there. Gina. I ran and ran until I reached my house. The doors were locked, the windows! I climbed the slippery ledges of the window, panting.

The house was unbelievably quiet. This was the dream, but in real life. I looked around, wondering where Gina was. I remember now, my room. Once again, there was my brother. But now, he was bloody dead. He wore a deathly pale face. Tears found its way down my face. “HAHAHAHA!” There came the laugh once more. I turned around only to see that it was not Gina but it was four people: Professor George who was strangling Adam and Macey who was about to kill Gina. We fought and fought endlessly. Although I knew that it was too late to save anyone, I wanted revenge. Finally, I caught Professor George and Macey. They were about to die a painful death. I was about to push them out of the window but before they completely fell down into the ground, they grabbed hold of my wrist.

I thought to myself, “At least if I was going to die, I die a little victorious.” I touched the hard, strong ground of the unbelievably unfair world, the last thing I saw was my house with a big black dot.

ALPT, 8 years old.

Allyson Leila

Happy 8th birthday to the small girl with big dreams. I love you, baby! So proud of you. I'm counting down the days 'til the 6th! Your present is waiting!

♥,
Tita Essa.

World Kindness Day 2010: Kindness in Action

My brilliant niece in a PSA for World Kindness Day 2010: Kindness in Action. The ad was filmed and airs in Singapore.

No one inspires me more than this wonderful little lady. Baba, I am so proud of you. You are such a phenomenal little bundle of joy and the world is lucky to have someone like you.

This random act of kindness has motivated me into starting and participating in a Pay It Forward type of campaign. A campaign that puts a smile on someone's face and gives them hope. Hope for a brighter day and a better tomorrow. Small deeds save lives.

All good things,
Essa.

Fondue Fountain

Mmmmm. Chocolate fondue fountain. Photos were taken from my niece's (twitter|tumblr) surprise birthday party last year.

I'd really like to write a better post buuuut work keeps getting in the way. Hold on tight though, because I'm 2 articles away from being done with the project then it's back to my regularly scheduled blogging. :P So for now, just sit back!

Love at it's purest form.

Usually, when I say I have the best family in the world, it's something I say off-handedly. I know it to be true, and there's no need for me to question it. So whenever I get reminded, no matter how unnecessary that reminder is, of why and how I know that I truly do have the best family in the world, I tear up and thank the good Lord.

I logged on to my facebook a couple of days ago to find that my sister tagged me in a note. I read it, cried, and again gave thanks. No man or woman, adult or child, deserves to be this blessed. Attached below is my sister's note.

Earlier this afternoon, I wasn't feeling too well. In fact, I had a slight fever. I asked Ally to watch the new episodes of iCarly while I take a quick nap.

After finishing her show, Ally woke me up and told me in her giddy kilig way that Freddy of iCarly kissed Carly. I tried to muster some sort of expression. I guess, Ally knows me all too well. She knew something was up since I didn't react violently to her watching that scene. She noticed that I was feeling much worse than when I took that nap. She started to get concerned. She messaged her dad and told him that I was feeling sick. (It's just me and Ally at home)

She didn't bother to wait for his reply. She's witty, this little one. She's a quick thinker. She tucked me in bed and covered me with some blankets. She gave me a hug and told me to get some rest. She insisted on making me some calamansi juice, which is what I do whenever she starts to feel feverish. I was worried. She could hurt herself slicing the calamansi into halves. I tried to argue but she wouldn't have any of it. She wouldn't listen. She assured me that she could do it. After all, she's seen me do it so many times. She insisted and said, "I'll be very careful, Mom. I won't use a sharp knife." She meant the bread knife. I reluctantly gave in. After about 15-20 mins, I was starting to get worried but since I did not hear any cries, I knew she was fine. Shortly after that, she came back with a glass of warm calamansi juice. I asked her "Does this have sugar already?" She giggled and said "No. No wonder it tastes so funny." She left the room, added some sugar, came back and made me drink it.

After I settled in bed again, she checked her messages and found some instructions from her dad. She read it twice then left the room again this time to prepare some cold compress which she can put on my burning hot forehead. She brought in a small blue tub filled with ice, rubbing alcohol and cold water. After dipping the face towel in cold water, she placed it as gently as she could (which wasn't that gentle but it was the best feeling in the world) on my forehead and covered my eyes. She fixed my blankets, took away the handphone ( I was reading some tweets) and firmly said, "Stay away from the light! (She meant the Mac, the TV and of course, the cell)" I wanted to refuse, of course. But I knew I had to set an example. She was doing the exact same thing that I would have done if I was in her position and she in mine.

She checked her messages again and updated her dad. Daddy told her to check my temperature. And check, she did. Every 30 minutes in fact, even alarmed her cell so she wouldn't forget. Daddy told her to give me some Rexidol too for my fever and she did just that. She went through my medicine bag and asked me to describe it. When she found it, she placed it in my mouth and gave me the calamansi juice to drown it with. I slept so peacefully after that despite her watching Drake and Josh (the TV series). I woke up shortly after the show finished and I felt so much better! No fever at all so she gave me back my computer rights. =)


As a child, I never remembered making coffee or calamansi juice or taking care of my parents when they were sick. I wasn't a bad child. But back then, I felt that as a child, the most I could do for my sick parents was to stay away from them. Don't bother them so they won't feel worse than they already do. Sorry, mom and dad.

What an amazing eye-opening experience. I'm overwhelmed by her independence and her sweetness. I know this may not seem like much to others but for me, it's a telltale of what kind of relationship I have with my daughter. I have no words. I am completely floored.

It got me thinking how every once in awhile, people remind me of how amazing Ally is. It can be Ally's teachers, principal, ballet coach, my sisters, my parents, my husband, my friends, other moms, random strangers. I'd like to thank you all for the kind words.

But to you Ally, I want you to know that I don't need any reminding. Why? Because I see it. I see it.. everyday. I love you, baby!

Ally, Mommy Mai, and to the rest of my family... truly, I am so thankful to have been born a part of you. I love you all.

With all that I've done wrong I must have done something right.

Tearful,

Essa