Earlier this evening, my sister sent me a link to a BBC Documentary on The Toughest Place To Be A Bus Driver. Naturally, overpopulated Manila was the city picked.
Josh West, a bus driver from London, trades in his high-technology double decker bus for Manila's Jeepneys. He moves in to Rogelio's, a filipino jeepney driver, home and immediately experiences life as one of the most difficult workers in Manila's angry and busy streets.
After having seen the conditions in which Rogelio's family, friends and community lived, I immediately felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Seeing this really makes you thankful for the life that you have been born into. The people from wealthier families rarely take pause and give thought to those who were born with no such privilege. In theory, we know that poverty exists and we know that it is a harsh reality. Knowing this and seeing it with your own eyes, however, is world's apart. I don't mean to get too preachy, but fact of the matter is, this society and community exists in our daily life and we brush it off like the lint in our clothing. I can only imagine how Josh felt during this entire endeavor.
Make no mistake, Josh did not complain nor pity the state in which he was forced to spend 10 days off of his regular life. Truth be told, he was sympathetic to their plight and more than once mentioned that had he been born in the Philippines instead of London, he would find himself in the same place as Rogelio - barely surviving in a 10 by 10 home and earning 600 pesos a day. Although poverty was not the central idea of the documentary, it took a large part of it simply because that was the life Rogelio knew. I feel ashamed that it had to take someone from a different country to have awakened stirrings of awareness in me.
Rogelio, amidst the conditions the world has dealt him, places pride and dignity in his work and that is just the most heart-wrenching thing in the planet. Truly. What an amazing person. The bond that he and Josh forged is one of the most beautiful friendships that I have ever seen and I am in awe of the kidness and love that they have shown and given each other. To each other, neither is superior nor better. They are 2 men, both living in this world, both doing the same job, and both commiserating with the other. Josh, I just want to shake your hand and give you a hug.
This documentary must be shared and seen by all and I urge you to watch.
P.S. They also mention the Reproductive Health Bill and I ask my friends to reconsider their stance. Most of you, I am well aware, are against it, so I hope you take the time to educate yourselves on the effect it will have in this country.
Watch the documentary HERE.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Karl Lagerfeld
Some of fashion powerhouse Karel Lagerfeld's Greatest and Most Ridiculous Quotes:
ON HIMSELF:
"My sisters were sent away because my mother thought they were boring. I was not boring."
"I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that."
"I am a sort of vampire, taking the blood of other people."
"I have no human feelings."
"In the whole world, there is nowhere I can go. In Japan, they touch me. I have Japanese women pinch my ass, so now I must say, 'You can have the photo, but please don't touch me.' You cannot pinch the ass of a man my age!"
"My work is concerned with a more poetic version of reality. I am no urologist." [In response to being asked why he never photographs his models completely nude]
"I'm not interested in history! That's very childish. That's Gay Pride."
"I am basically the most superficial person in the world."
ON OTHER FASHION FIGURES:
"It’s a wonderful thing I’ve created with you, but now you’re a $5,000-tote-bag-wearing monster, and for that, I am sorry. Now sit down and be quiet! [To Kimora Lee]"
"Prints are for middle-aged women with weight problems." [On Balenciaga]
"My business plan has always been about working more than others to prove their uselessness."
"I don't know Heidi Klum. Claudia Schiffer also doesn't know who she is."
ON CHANEL:
"Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel."
ON "HEALTH":
"The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."
"Narrow rib cages are the chicest thing."
"Yes, some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that."
ON LIFESTYLES AND HAPPINESS:
"The worst thing is when friends say, ‘Remember the good old days?’ Forget about the good old days! That just makes your present secondhand. What is interesting is now. If you think it was better before, then you might as well commit suicide immediately."
"If you throw money out of the window, throw it out with joy. Don't say 'one shouldn't do that' - that is bourgeois."
"The iPod is genius. I have 300."
SOURCE.
You have to give props to Uncle Karl. He practices what he preaches.
ON HIMSELF:
"My sisters were sent away because my mother thought they were boring. I was not boring."
"I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that."
"I am a sort of vampire, taking the blood of other people."
"I have no human feelings."
"In the whole world, there is nowhere I can go. In Japan, they touch me. I have Japanese women pinch my ass, so now I must say, 'You can have the photo, but please don't touch me.' You cannot pinch the ass of a man my age!"
"My work is concerned with a more poetic version of reality. I am no urologist." [In response to being asked why he never photographs his models completely nude]
"I'm not interested in history! That's very childish. That's Gay Pride."
"I am basically the most superficial person in the world."
ON OTHER FASHION FIGURES:
"It’s a wonderful thing I’ve created with you, but now you’re a $5,000-tote-bag-wearing monster, and for that, I am sorry. Now sit down and be quiet! [To Kimora Lee]"
"Prints are for middle-aged women with weight problems." [On Balenciaga]
"My business plan has always been about working more than others to prove their uselessness."
"I don't know Heidi Klum. Claudia Schiffer also doesn't know who she is."
ON CHANEL:
"Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel."
ON "HEALTH":
"The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."
"Narrow rib cages are the chicest thing."
"Yes, some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that."
ON LIFESTYLES AND HAPPINESS:
"The worst thing is when friends say, ‘Remember the good old days?’ Forget about the good old days! That just makes your present secondhand. What is interesting is now. If you think it was better before, then you might as well commit suicide immediately."
"If you throw money out of the window, throw it out with joy. Don't say 'one shouldn't do that' - that is bourgeois."
"The iPod is genius. I have 300."
SOURCE.
You have to give props to Uncle Karl. He practices what he preaches.
How To Be A Writer
"How To Be A Writer"
“First, try to be something, anything, else.” – Lorrie Moore, ‘How to Become a Writer’
By OLIVER MILLER
Feb. 26, 2011
A year ago, The Guardian published some lists of fiction-writing advice from famous writers, or at least, from semi-famous writers. Some of the advice was solid, practical, and good. (Zadie Smith: “Work on a computer that is disconnected from the internet.”) And some of the advice was meaningless poetic bullshit. (Andrew Motion: “Think with your senses as well as your brain.”) …And some of the advice was just plain wrong. (Elmore Leonard. “Never use the [word] ‘suddenly.’”) Yeah, really? I can’t use the word “suddenly” anymore? Bullshit. I think I’m about to suddenly break this rule. Very suddenly.
ANY-way, all of this writing advice from famous novelists got me to thinking. And what I thought was: “Hey, I’m a writer.” And then I thought: “Do I actually have an article to write today?” And then I thought: “No. No, I don’t. Definitely not. I have nothing to write about.”
All of which led to today’s somewhat unnecessary article, in which I offer you unsolicited tips to becoming a better writer! Seriously. And please to enjoy.
HOW TO BEAN A WRITER
1) Don’t listen to advice from writers. I realize that me saying this will invalidate this entire column, but I’m cool with that. Writers like to talk about writing because talking about writing is easier than actually sitting down and — y’know — writing something. (Like a novel, or a play, or a poem, or such.) Don’t listen to writers. And are you sure that writers even have your best interests at heart? Most writers that I know are petty, insecure, self-absorbed dicks. And writers don’t like competition. Therefore, take any advice that they give you with a grain of salt.
2) Chill out. Most people are a thousand times more interesting when they’re talking than when they’re writing. Why is this? Because people panic when they start writing. People instantly revert to memories of 10th grade English class, and memories of No. 2 pencils, and lined notebooks. And then they freak out and tense up. Don’t tense up. Just relax. Seriously.
3) Just relax. …Um, seriously. Chill. When are you funniest and most interesting in life? When you’re hanging with your friends, maybe having a few beers, and telling a funny story. So when you write, do that. Just be normal. Act like you’re telling a story to your friends. Write the way that you talk. This will be much more interesting, I promise you.
4) You’re gonna have to write all the time. I wrote for about six hours a day, every day, for 15 years before I could quit my boring job and become an actual paid full-time writer.
Which reminds me of a funny story. In his excellent autobiography, animator Chuck Jones talks about his first day at art school. And on his first day, the “mean” professor said this to the class: “You have 200,000 bad drawings inside of you. The sooner you get rid of them, the better it will be for everyone.” Startled gasp! The class was horrified. And Chuck Jones, genius and creator of Bugs Bunny, etc., was horrified for a second too. Until he realized this: “Wait. I’ve already done at least 300,000 drawings.”
The same thing happened to me on my first day of school. Our professor said, “If you want to be a writer, you have to write for six hours a day. No exceptions.” And I was appalled, until I remembered that I did that already.
You’re gonna have to write all the time in order to get better. No one can make you do this. You’re going to have to make yourself do it.
5) You’re going to be poor for a really long time. People told me this when I started out, and I didn’t believe them, because — wait for it — because I was an idiot. I assumed that I’d be famous by 21 and dead from a drunken car accident by 23. I was wrong.
And also, being a poor writer sounded kind of romantic to me when I was, say, 18 years old. And being a poor writer is kind of romantic — for a while. It becomes less romantic when you’re 30 and can’t afford to buy a soda when it’s hot out, and can’t afford to have a girlfriend because that would actually involve paying to go to a restaurant or something. So. There’s that. So if you can’t handle being really really poor, then stop now.
6) You’re going to have to realize that you suck and that you’re awesome at the same time. …Which is a little something that the poet Keats called “Negative Capability” — i.e., the ability to hold two conflicting ideas in your head at the same time.
Listen, the first thing that you write is going to suck. There’s a simple reason for this. If writing was that easy, then everyone would do it. Sitting at home all day in your pajamas and scribbling down pithy little thoughts is a way more fun job than, say, being a garbageman or a dishwasher. (And I’ve been both.) Being a writer is hard, because being a writer is fun.
So, you’re going to have to realize that your writing sucks. Otherwise, you’ll never improve. But you also have to believe (against all hope, sometimes) that your writing is awesome. If you think you’re great from day one, then you’ll never improve and you’ll never get published. But if you always think that you suck, then you’ll get discouraged, and you won’t write for five to six hours a day like you need to.
And that’s the awesome/sucky dichotomy. It’s a tough one, but I’m sure you can pull it off.
7) You’re gonna need help. …And you’re going to need this help because it’s hard to tell when something you write is good or bad. So, you’re going to need a peer group.
Maybe you’ll have to take a class at a local college, or maybe there’s a writing group that meets at your local bookstore. You can show your stuff to your friends, but the odds are that they’ll just lie to you and tell you that everything you write is really great. They’re going to tell you this because: (a) They probably don’t care about writing that much, and (b) They don’t want to hurt your feelings.
So you need to surround yourself with fellow writers who are supportive but also honest. Some people will tell you that your writing is always good. These people are lying. And some people will tell you that your writing is always bad. These people are also lying. …But a few rare people will point out the stuff that they like, call you out on some of the dumb shit that you’re writing, and gently but forcefully suggest ways to make your dumb shit better. Treasure these people. Learn to recognize them. These people are your only hope.
…They are your only hope to becoming a real writer, that is. And you need to find them. You’re going to find them, and you’re going to hang out with these people as much as possible. You’re going to go drink coffee with them at 2am in shitty diners; you’re going to become new best friends with them; you’re going to call them at all hours on the phone. You need to hang out with these people as much as possible.
Because in the end, we all work in the dark. We are blind. We can’t see what we’re doing. We exist in a cosmology of not-seeing. We have to take things on faith. And in the end, we just have to hope and pray that someone out there actually wants to listen to the things that we are saying.
… And that’s really all the advice that I have to give about writing, I guess. Hope that helped! And if not. …And if not, well. …And if not, well, I just sat here for five minutes trying to think of a clever way to end this essay. And I failed. So there’s further proof that writing is really hard, and that maybe you shouldn’t listen to me, after all.
By OLIVER MILLER
Feb. 26, 2011
A year ago, The Guardian published some lists of fiction-writing advice from famous writers, or at least, from semi-famous writers. Some of the advice was solid, practical, and good. (Zadie Smith: “Work on a computer that is disconnected from the internet.”) And some of the advice was meaningless poetic bullshit. (Andrew Motion: “Think with your senses as well as your brain.”) …And some of the advice was just plain wrong. (Elmore Leonard. “Never use the [word] ‘suddenly.’”) Yeah, really? I can’t use the word “suddenly” anymore? Bullshit. I think I’m about to suddenly break this rule. Very suddenly.
ANY-way, all of this writing advice from famous novelists got me to thinking. And what I thought was: “Hey, I’m a writer.” And then I thought: “Do I actually have an article to write today?” And then I thought: “No. No, I don’t. Definitely not. I have nothing to write about.”
All of which led to today’s somewhat unnecessary article, in which I offer you unsolicited tips to becoming a better writer! Seriously. And please to enjoy.
HOW TO BE
1) Don’t listen to advice from writers. I realize that me saying this will invalidate this entire column, but I’m cool with that. Writers like to talk about writing because talking about writing is easier than actually sitting down and — y’know — writing something. (Like a novel, or a play, or a poem, or such.) Don’t listen to writers. And are you sure that writers even have your best interests at heart? Most writers that I know are petty, insecure, self-absorbed dicks. And writers don’t like competition. Therefore, take any advice that they give you with a grain of salt.
2) Chill out. Most people are a thousand times more interesting when they’re talking than when they’re writing. Why is this? Because people panic when they start writing. People instantly revert to memories of 10th grade English class, and memories of No. 2 pencils, and lined notebooks. And then they freak out and tense up. Don’t tense up. Just relax. Seriously.
3) Just relax. …Um, seriously. Chill. When are you funniest and most interesting in life? When you’re hanging with your friends, maybe having a few beers, and telling a funny story. So when you write, do that. Just be normal. Act like you’re telling a story to your friends. Write the way that you talk. This will be much more interesting, I promise you.
4) You’re gonna have to write all the time. I wrote for about six hours a day, every day, for 15 years before I could quit my boring job and become an actual paid full-time writer.
Which reminds me of a funny story. In his excellent autobiography, animator Chuck Jones talks about his first day at art school. And on his first day, the “mean” professor said this to the class: “You have 200,000 bad drawings inside of you. The sooner you get rid of them, the better it will be for everyone.” Startled gasp! The class was horrified. And Chuck Jones, genius and creator of Bugs Bunny, etc., was horrified for a second too. Until he realized this: “Wait. I’ve already done at least 300,000 drawings.”
The same thing happened to me on my first day of school. Our professor said, “If you want to be a writer, you have to write for six hours a day. No exceptions.” And I was appalled, until I remembered that I did that already.
You’re gonna have to write all the time in order to get better. No one can make you do this. You’re going to have to make yourself do it.
5) You’re going to be poor for a really long time. People told me this when I started out, and I didn’t believe them, because — wait for it — because I was an idiot. I assumed that I’d be famous by 21 and dead from a drunken car accident by 23. I was wrong.
And also, being a poor writer sounded kind of romantic to me when I was, say, 18 years old. And being a poor writer is kind of romantic — for a while. It becomes less romantic when you’re 30 and can’t afford to buy a soda when it’s hot out, and can’t afford to have a girlfriend because that would actually involve paying to go to a restaurant or something. So. There’s that. So if you can’t handle being really really poor, then stop now.
6) You’re going to have to realize that you suck and that you’re awesome at the same time. …Which is a little something that the poet Keats called “Negative Capability” — i.e., the ability to hold two conflicting ideas in your head at the same time.
Listen, the first thing that you write is going to suck. There’s a simple reason for this. If writing was that easy, then everyone would do it. Sitting at home all day in your pajamas and scribbling down pithy little thoughts is a way more fun job than, say, being a garbageman or a dishwasher. (And I’ve been both.) Being a writer is hard, because being a writer is fun.
So, you’re going to have to realize that your writing sucks. Otherwise, you’ll never improve. But you also have to believe (against all hope, sometimes) that your writing is awesome. If you think you’re great from day one, then you’ll never improve and you’ll never get published. But if you always think that you suck, then you’ll get discouraged, and you won’t write for five to six hours a day like you need to.
And that’s the awesome/sucky dichotomy. It’s a tough one, but I’m sure you can pull it off.
7) You’re gonna need help. …And you’re going to need this help because it’s hard to tell when something you write is good or bad. So, you’re going to need a peer group.
Maybe you’ll have to take a class at a local college, or maybe there’s a writing group that meets at your local bookstore. You can show your stuff to your friends, but the odds are that they’ll just lie to you and tell you that everything you write is really great. They’re going to tell you this because: (a) They probably don’t care about writing that much, and (b) They don’t want to hurt your feelings.
So you need to surround yourself with fellow writers who are supportive but also honest. Some people will tell you that your writing is always good. These people are lying. And some people will tell you that your writing is always bad. These people are also lying. …But a few rare people will point out the stuff that they like, call you out on some of the dumb shit that you’re writing, and gently but forcefully suggest ways to make your dumb shit better. Treasure these people. Learn to recognize them. These people are your only hope.
…They are your only hope to becoming a real writer, that is. And you need to find them. You’re going to find them, and you’re going to hang out with these people as much as possible. You’re going to go drink coffee with them at 2am in shitty diners; you’re going to become new best friends with them; you’re going to call them at all hours on the phone. You need to hang out with these people as much as possible.
Because in the end, we all work in the dark. We are blind. We can’t see what we’re doing. We exist in a cosmology of not-seeing. We have to take things on faith. And in the end, we just have to hope and pray that someone out there actually wants to listen to the things that we are saying.
… And that’s really all the advice that I have to give about writing, I guess. Hope that helped! And if not. …And if not, well. …And if not, well, I just sat here for five minutes trying to think of a clever way to end this essay. And I failed. So there’s further proof that writing is really hard, and that maybe you shouldn’t listen to me, after all.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Love and Text Messages
I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,
“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”
I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?
It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.
Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.
Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?
There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.
Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.
We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,
“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”
- Ashton Kutcher
Amaze-balls.
This is a picture of a bathroom stall at my school. The writing you see, that’s the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone/Philosopher’s Stone. I have no clue who wrote it, but whoever they are, they are my HERO.
SOURCE.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Women, beware!
By JIM PAREDES
Dear friends,
Many of you may not have heard of the incident that happened to a friend of my son last week at about 6:30 pm right in front of the thickly-populated area of BPI-Katipunan, near shoppersville. She parked her car right in front of BPI to make a withdrawal and to do some groceries.
As she was getting into her car after doing her chores, a man suddenly appeared beside her and tried to bully her into moving to the passenger seat. When she pressed her car horn to call attention, he pushed her in the car and pinned her down with his elbow on her neck. It was a good thing that she had the presence of mind to continue to struggle and press on her car horn to catch attention (even if she had to use her foot to do this). Her assailant even tried to make people believe that it was a domestic matter by telling the crowd not to get involved as it was a "private matter". But with the onlookers multiplying by the second, her assailant finally gave up and ran. That was when she stood up and shouted for help. Thank God the guy got caught and is now under police custody.
Last saturday, during the inquest, she told me that what gave her the guts to fight her assailant was the article "THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYES" forwarded to our e-groups about a week prior to her attack. I am re-forwarding the article (you can find it at the bottom of this e-mail) for everyone's benefit. Please tell your friends, family, and loved ones about this. It works. May i just add that to a certain extent, we have to get ourselves involved if we see violence being committed on anyone like calling on a security guard or a police officer even if it appears to be a domestic matter. It seems that a lot of attackers use that tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone, please be very, very careful.
THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG...
FYI - Through a rapist's eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.
POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL....
I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that" After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.
2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB). b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.
Be safe, everyone.
Dear friends,
Many of you may not have heard of the incident that happened to a friend of my son last week at about 6:30 pm right in front of the thickly-populated area of BPI-Katipunan, near shoppersville. She parked her car right in front of BPI to make a withdrawal and to do some groceries.
As she was getting into her car after doing her chores, a man suddenly appeared beside her and tried to bully her into moving to the passenger seat. When she pressed her car horn to call attention, he pushed her in the car and pinned her down with his elbow on her neck. It was a good thing that she had the presence of mind to continue to struggle and press on her car horn to catch attention (even if she had to use her foot to do this). Her assailant even tried to make people believe that it was a domestic matter by telling the crowd not to get involved as it was a "private matter". But with the onlookers multiplying by the second, her assailant finally gave up and ran. That was when she stood up and shouted for help. Thank God the guy got caught and is now under police custody.
Last saturday, during the inquest, she told me that what gave her the guts to fight her assailant was the article "THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYES" forwarded to our e-groups about a week prior to her attack. I am re-forwarding the article (you can find it at the bottom of this e-mail) for everyone's benefit. Please tell your friends, family, and loved ones about this. It works. May i just add that to a certain extent, we have to get ourselves involved if we see violence being committed on anyone like calling on a security guard or a police officer even if it appears to be a domestic matter. It seems that a lot of attackers use that tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone, please be very, very careful.
THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG...
FYI - Through a rapist's eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.
POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL....
I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that" After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.
2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB). b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.
Be safe, everyone.
Spinaci Zola
I guess it's safe to say I'll be paying Cibo a visit sometime soon. Been craving for some Spinaci Zola ever since I had some last Saturday night at the QEFF awarding.
Photo Source.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Of Love
"The Definition of Love"
By RYAN O'CONNELL
Feb. 18, 2011
You can stop taking quizzes in Cosmo. Here’s what love really is.
Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.
Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.
Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.
Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”
Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.
Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”
Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.
Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.
Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.
Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.
Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.
Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.
When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.
Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.
So, yeah. That’s what love is. Anyone know where to get some?
SOURCE.
By RYAN O'CONNELL
Feb. 18, 2011
You can stop taking quizzes in Cosmo. Here’s what love really is.
Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.
Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.
Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.
Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”
Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.
Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”
Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.
Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.
Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.
Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.
Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.
Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.
When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.
Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.
So, yeah. That’s what love is. Anyone know where to get some?
SOURCE.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Madonna-Whore
If there's one thing that boggles me about the male species, it is their utter inability to correct something they know is a mistake. Yes, in theory, they know they're in the wrong. So how come they don't do anything about it?
On the other side of the spectrum, girls are always lamenting the problems they encounter with the opposite sex. Yet, at the same time, no one is really taking action. Even worse, girls don't really hear what's happening.
I genuinely can't tell you just how much conversations between both my heterosexual male and female friends revolved around this topic. The men whine about dating the "wrong" girls and the "right" women complain about never getting asked out. So, to put all there is to rest, I've decided to just explain, for the last time, the true root of this problem.
Is everyone here familiar with the Madonna-Whore Complex? To summarize, this theory/ study/ disease/ complex (or whatever the hell you want to call it) focuses on the 2 female archetypes. The Saint and the Sinner. The Jackie Os and the Marilyns. The Wife and The Mistress. The one you introduce to your parents and the one you keep locked up in the bedroom. The Mother and The Whore. If you're familiar with any of the examples I stated, and for shame if not, then you probably would have guessed the difference.
The Saint, the Jackie O, the Wife, and the one you introduce to your parents is the girl you want to marry. She is just like mom. She is beautiful, she is smart, she is to be respected and honored. You don't see her as a sexual figure because how can you smear, for lack of a better word, her in that way? She is your equal in everything and that is... well, it's just not sexy.
On the other hand, we have the sinner, the Marilyn, the Sexual Slave who stays only in the bedroom. She's the whore. She's taken control of her voracious sexual appetite and she flaunts her assets for all they're worth. The number of partners she's had on her bed can rival any man's and she's proud of her exploits. This is the girl you sleep with without bothering to call her the next day. You do the naughtiest, kinkiest, most debauched things to her because you don't respect her. She is tainted. She's branded by a scarlet letter.
On the other side of the spectrum, girls are always lamenting the problems they encounter with the opposite sex. Yet, at the same time, no one is really taking action. Even worse, girls don't really hear what's happening.
I genuinely can't tell you just how much conversations between both my heterosexual male and female friends revolved around this topic. The men whine about dating the "wrong" girls and the "right" women complain about never getting asked out. So, to put all there is to rest, I've decided to just explain, for the last time, the true root of this problem.
Is everyone here familiar with the Madonna-Whore Complex? To summarize, this theory/ study/ disease/ complex (or whatever the hell you want to call it) focuses on the 2 female archetypes. The Saint and the Sinner. The Jackie Os and the Marilyns. The Wife and The Mistress. The one you introduce to your parents and the one you keep locked up in the bedroom. The Mother and The Whore. If you're familiar with any of the examples I stated, and for shame if not, then you probably would have guessed the difference.
The Saint, the Jackie O, the Wife, and the one you introduce to your parents is the girl you want to marry. She is just like mom. She is beautiful, she is smart, she is to be respected and honored. You don't see her as a sexual figure because how can you smear, for lack of a better word, her in that way? She is your equal in everything and that is... well, it's just not sexy.
On the other hand, we have the sinner, the Marilyn, the Sexual Slave who stays only in the bedroom. She's the whore. She's taken control of her voracious sexual appetite and she flaunts her assets for all they're worth. The number of partners she's had on her bed can rival any man's and she's proud of her exploits. This is the girl you sleep with without bothering to call her the next day. You do the naughtiest, kinkiest, most debauched things to her because you don't respect her. She is tainted. She's branded by a scarlet letter.
Now, you'd be surprised at the number of guys suffering under this delusion. You won't believe just how much men still categorize women into these 2 different stereotypes. Truth be told, men still see women as one-dimensional. In their heads, Jackie O and Marilyn can't exist simultaneously without cancelling each other out.
Here's the thing men, you SHOULD be sexually attracted to smart, capable women. Why the hell wouldn't you be? It's insane how men immediately lose respect for a woman they've just banged. They become tarnished in the eyes of the male specie even if they were the ones responsible for the tarnishing in the first place. The fact of the matter is, men still have this humongous need to pee on things (metaphorically speaking, HOPEFULLY.) Those with a Y Chromosome get such hard-ons on putting their names on things. If another guy has been there before, then it's dirty and I don't want it. Please! A surprising number of men still gravitate towards chaste women because they've never been touched. To them, it's like being the first man to land on the moon.
This could be rooted to men and commitments and their need to compartmentalize everything. Ladies I can hump. Ladies I shouldn't hump. Ladies I want to hump but I'll feel like a pig because she's so pure and innocent and clean. Please.
So, to bring us full circle to the discussion my friends and I were having, here's the deal: Men, you're still a little bit sexist. It's the truth. Maybe you weren't aware of it before, but now you are. So go out there and find a smart, respectable lady whom you'll have a high opinion of and, at the same time, want to screw in every way possible.
And ladies, don't be afraid to get called names. You do it to each other all the time. Everything is a personal choice. If, like me, you really can't stomach asking a guy you like out, then hallelujah. But if you really don't have any qualms or problems with it, then go out there and ask him out on a date. More power to you.
So, my friends, I hope I've put this little matter to rest.
Happy dating,
Essa.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tinalikdan
Catch the first screening of our film "Tinalikdan" - Finalist for the Quisumbing Escandor Film Festival on February 14 in U.P. Manila PGH Science theater 1-5 P.M. and the awards night at the PICC February 19. Our director and el kapitan Balta would be there to introduce and discuss the film.
See you there!!
Essa
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Year of Feeling
"2011 Is The Year Of Feeling"
By RYAN O'CONNELL
Feb. 7, 2011
2011 is the year of feeling, of deleting apathy and replacing it with these strange new emotions that are called compassion, empathy and desire. It’s the year of the emphatic “Yes!” instead of the grumbly “Maybe…”
2011 is the year of no longer sleeping with people you only like at night, of leaving relationships that exist solely within the four walls of your bedroom. This year, tell your fair-weather beau that “I gotta do me, babe. 2011 is all about me.” Then mumble softly to yourself, “And it’s also about me finding someone I could potentially love and you’re clearly not it so byeeeeee.”
2011 is the year of loving your mom and dad, of forgiving them for what they haven’t done and appreciating them for what they have. It’s the year of calling them and being like, “Even though you may have done irrevocable damage to me, I fucking. Love. You.” Because you do. You shared a body with your mother for nine months. Hello.
2011 is the year of live tweeting your nervous breakdown, of writing manic bizarre thoughts that will frighten yet ultimately intrigue your followers. Sample tweet: “I’ve always wanted to write a book about the 9/11 conspiracies because it’s really crazy and people deserve to know that we got fucked!” This will be followed by a tweet that reads, “I like hot pockets and quoting Nietzsche. I should actually just write a book called Hot Pockets, Nietzsche and Me!” FYI: Insanity is the greatest kind of currency on Twitter. Keep tweeting weird shit and you’ll get 100 new followers in two days.
2011 is the year of gluten’s inevitable demise. That insidious protein showed its true devilish colors last year when fragile picky eaters started to complain of an overall feeling of ickiness. “I just feel gross when I eat a lot of pizza and drink beer,” they said to you one cold winter day and you nodded because you understood exactly what they meant. Before you knew it though, they had gone to a holistic doctor and been diagnosed with a gluten allergy. “You mean you’re allergic to crappy processed foods? I can’t believe you have to eat healthy now,” you said over bites of kale at the Gluten-Free Diva restaurant in the Lower East Side. “Yes. I have to completely restructure my life. It’s just the worst…” Their voice trailed off right then because they realized they had had a bite of their roommate’s bagel that morning. Now it would be mere moments until the convulsions would start and those annoying tumors would develop on their forehead. Yes. 2011 is the year gluten finally dies a painful death.
2011 is the year of shocking discovery. It’s the year we’ll find out who Justin Bieber really is—a 20-year-old lesbian named Denise/Dennis who studies at Sarah Lawrence College. Pursuing superstardom under the guise of a 16-year-old boy was really just preparation for her senior thesis, which will be called Forever Young, Forever Hetero Patriarchal Social Construct Bullshit.
2011 is the year of 2012 hysteria, of slowly coming to the conclusion that we will all die next year via an apocalyptic prophecy made by those wacky Mayans. They wrote the following message in literal stone, “You’ll die in 2012. XOXO, The Mayanz.” The end of the world will be terribly sad so make sure you make the most of 2011. Dedicate the year to feeling all the time and loving your parents and stopping the pursuit of filler romances and turning to Twitter when things get dark and avoiding gluten at all costs. The Mayans would’ve wanted it this way. Do it for them if not for yourself.
SOURCE.
By RYAN O'CONNELL
Feb. 7, 2011
2011 is the year of feeling, of deleting apathy and replacing it with these strange new emotions that are called compassion, empathy and desire. It’s the year of the emphatic “Yes!” instead of the grumbly “Maybe…”
2011 is the year of no longer sleeping with people you only like at night, of leaving relationships that exist solely within the four walls of your bedroom. This year, tell your fair-weather beau that “I gotta do me, babe. 2011 is all about me.” Then mumble softly to yourself, “And it’s also about me finding someone I could potentially love and you’re clearly not it so byeeeeee.”
2011 is the year of loving your mom and dad, of forgiving them for what they haven’t done and appreciating them for what they have. It’s the year of calling them and being like, “Even though you may have done irrevocable damage to me, I fucking. Love. You.” Because you do. You shared a body with your mother for nine months. Hello.
2011 is the year of live tweeting your nervous breakdown, of writing manic bizarre thoughts that will frighten yet ultimately intrigue your followers. Sample tweet: “I’ve always wanted to write a book about the 9/11 conspiracies because it’s really crazy and people deserve to know that we got fucked!” This will be followed by a tweet that reads, “I like hot pockets and quoting Nietzsche. I should actually just write a book called Hot Pockets, Nietzsche and Me!” FYI: Insanity is the greatest kind of currency on Twitter. Keep tweeting weird shit and you’ll get 100 new followers in two days.
2011 is the year of gluten’s inevitable demise. That insidious protein showed its true devilish colors last year when fragile picky eaters started to complain of an overall feeling of ickiness. “I just feel gross when I eat a lot of pizza and drink beer,” they said to you one cold winter day and you nodded because you understood exactly what they meant. Before you knew it though, they had gone to a holistic doctor and been diagnosed with a gluten allergy. “You mean you’re allergic to crappy processed foods? I can’t believe you have to eat healthy now,” you said over bites of kale at the Gluten-Free Diva restaurant in the Lower East Side. “Yes. I have to completely restructure my life. It’s just the worst…” Their voice trailed off right then because they realized they had had a bite of their roommate’s bagel that morning. Now it would be mere moments until the convulsions would start and those annoying tumors would develop on their forehead. Yes. 2011 is the year gluten finally dies a painful death.
2011 is the year of shocking discovery. It’s the year we’ll find out who Justin Bieber really is—a 20-year-old lesbian named Denise/Dennis who studies at Sarah Lawrence College. Pursuing superstardom under the guise of a 16-year-old boy was really just preparation for her senior thesis, which will be called Forever Young, Forever Hetero Patriarchal Social Construct Bullshit.
2011 is the year of 2012 hysteria, of slowly coming to the conclusion that we will all die next year via an apocalyptic prophecy made by those wacky Mayans. They wrote the following message in literal stone, “You’ll die in 2012. XOXO, The Mayanz.” The end of the world will be terribly sad so make sure you make the most of 2011. Dedicate the year to feeling all the time and loving your parents and stopping the pursuit of filler romances and turning to Twitter when things get dark and avoiding gluten at all costs. The Mayans would’ve wanted it this way. Do it for them if not for yourself.
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Sunday, February 6, 2011
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