Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Bravery
On Being Brave Enough To Start Again
By KATE GEORGE
Jul 27, 2011
We’ve all felt the sting of heartbreak at one time or another. And even though our experiences are not all alike—varying in extremity from unrequited crushes to soul-mates lost—between our collective, vast array of disappointments, our damp, tear stained pillow cases and brooding, lonely days, we’ve probably all had the same thought at some point: I’m not doing this again. Because no matter how you go through it, or what way you look at it, heartbreak is a taxing exercise.
There are many different ways of dealing, from the stoic, silent suffering of the proud, to the hysterical, lurid self-destruction of the openly distraught; having your heart broken is always a process. No matter how you deal, heartbreak can drain you entirely, both emotionally and physically, and sap your energy on a daily basis, especially where you have a drawn out healing period. But the worst part of having your heart broken sometimes doesn’t manifest until you feel strong again and steel your resolve—it’s the promise you make to yourself that you’ll never be heartbroken again.
It’s painful because you know it’s not you, it’s not right, and because your decision inhibits you from making contact the way you used to. But your aversion to heartbreak is overwhelming, and controls all your actions to the point of self-sabotage, which your wrought subconscious by now deems to be self-preservation. You don’t want to spend those months drinking alone in your room every night. You don’t want to end evenings out with friends sprawled across some dingy bathroom floor, your cheeks stained with mascara and your head resting against the porcelain. You don’t want to lie in bed until 3pm everyday with nothing but white noise in your head. You just don’t want to feel any of those feelings again—emptiness, sorrow, rejection—the ones that came from you letting yourself be vulnerable to someone else. You don’t ever want to relinquish that sort of power to someone again.
Every now and then you’ll meet someone new. Someone maybe your heart would have raced away with, before you experienced the crippling agony of having it broken. And yeah, maybe your heart’s been repaired since, maybe you’re as happy as you’ve ever been and entirely satisfied with yourself and your life—but that’s just the point, isn’t it? You’re no longer prepared to disrupt the harmony. You barely survived it—the first time your world was picked up and shaken like a shitty little snow globe—and you’re not willing to hedge a bet that you’ll survive it a second time.
So you’ll push the new ones away instinctively. Half of you will be relieved and the other half will pang with melancholy. You want to be braver—because when it comes down to the bones of it, all you really are is scared. You wish it was as simple as calling out to your mother and having her check under your bed and in the closet for the boogey man, but you’re on your own now, with no one to protect you from night terrors but yourself. You sometimes think the conflict inside you is tantamount to spilt milk and you feel petty and selfish, but you’ve become so accustomed to living on the back foot you don’t know how to leap forward anymore.
You’re not a bad person—you know you’re not—you have so much love to give, but you’ve never feared anything more than giving it. It seems like such a shame and waste, but at the same time entirely necessary. You desperately want to be inspired again, to hold someone’s hand in the street, to have them brush the hair from your eyes as you rest your face on their chest in bed on lazy Sundays. You want someone to tell you they love you in the dim half-light of morning, you want someone you can cook dinner for, you want someone whose wounds you can lick. You want someone who is at once your best friend but with whom you share the secret sweetness of sex, and a heightened physical and emotional intimacy. And yet: wanting is not the same as having, and you let them all pass by you and around you, like wind whipping against your ankles. Your heart is still and safe.
SOURCE.
By KATE GEORGE
Jul 27, 2011
We’ve all felt the sting of heartbreak at one time or another. And even though our experiences are not all alike—varying in extremity from unrequited crushes to soul-mates lost—between our collective, vast array of disappointments, our damp, tear stained pillow cases and brooding, lonely days, we’ve probably all had the same thought at some point: I’m not doing this again. Because no matter how you go through it, or what way you look at it, heartbreak is a taxing exercise.
There are many different ways of dealing, from the stoic, silent suffering of the proud, to the hysterical, lurid self-destruction of the openly distraught; having your heart broken is always a process. No matter how you deal, heartbreak can drain you entirely, both emotionally and physically, and sap your energy on a daily basis, especially where you have a drawn out healing period. But the worst part of having your heart broken sometimes doesn’t manifest until you feel strong again and steel your resolve—it’s the promise you make to yourself that you’ll never be heartbroken again.
It’s painful because you know it’s not you, it’s not right, and because your decision inhibits you from making contact the way you used to. But your aversion to heartbreak is overwhelming, and controls all your actions to the point of self-sabotage, which your wrought subconscious by now deems to be self-preservation. You don’t want to spend those months drinking alone in your room every night. You don’t want to end evenings out with friends sprawled across some dingy bathroom floor, your cheeks stained with mascara and your head resting against the porcelain. You don’t want to lie in bed until 3pm everyday with nothing but white noise in your head. You just don’t want to feel any of those feelings again—emptiness, sorrow, rejection—the ones that came from you letting yourself be vulnerable to someone else. You don’t ever want to relinquish that sort of power to someone again.
Every now and then you’ll meet someone new. Someone maybe your heart would have raced away with, before you experienced the crippling agony of having it broken. And yeah, maybe your heart’s been repaired since, maybe you’re as happy as you’ve ever been and entirely satisfied with yourself and your life—but that’s just the point, isn’t it? You’re no longer prepared to disrupt the harmony. You barely survived it—the first time your world was picked up and shaken like a shitty little snow globe—and you’re not willing to hedge a bet that you’ll survive it a second time.
So you’ll push the new ones away instinctively. Half of you will be relieved and the other half will pang with melancholy. You want to be braver—because when it comes down to the bones of it, all you really are is scared. You wish it was as simple as calling out to your mother and having her check under your bed and in the closet for the boogey man, but you’re on your own now, with no one to protect you from night terrors but yourself. You sometimes think the conflict inside you is tantamount to spilt milk and you feel petty and selfish, but you’ve become so accustomed to living on the back foot you don’t know how to leap forward anymore.
You’re not a bad person—you know you’re not—you have so much love to give, but you’ve never feared anything more than giving it. It seems like such a shame and waste, but at the same time entirely necessary. You desperately want to be inspired again, to hold someone’s hand in the street, to have them brush the hair from your eyes as you rest your face on their chest in bed on lazy Sundays. You want someone to tell you they love you in the dim half-light of morning, you want someone you can cook dinner for, you want someone whose wounds you can lick. You want someone who is at once your best friend but with whom you share the secret sweetness of sex, and a heightened physical and emotional intimacy. And yet: wanting is not the same as having, and you let them all pass by you and around you, like wind whipping against your ankles. Your heart is still and safe.
SOURCE.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
MY LIFE
I've always known that my life would end up following one of my favorite sit-coms.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D O A
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week
Your month or even your year but
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast so far things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world
Has brought you down to your knees that
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me
Since you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week
Your month, or even your year
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D O A
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week
Your month or even your year but
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast so far things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world
Has brought you down to your knees that
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me
Since you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week
Your month, or even your year
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
CLASSIFIED AD
WANTED: SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
must love debates
interesting conversation
decorating and participating in holidays
mischief
light teasing
and staying in
no particular height
weight
hair/ eye color
or political/ spiritual affiliation required
but would prefer a warm, non-racist
sexists
chauvinists
gangsters
and other cliche archetypes need not apply
skinny, lean figures a plus but not pre-requisite
any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to
David Tennant
Mark Darcy
Fitzwilliam Darcy
John Thornton
Edward Rochester
or Mr. Knightley will be met with great enthusiasm
I am dubious of reformed badboys and players, ladies men, criminals and gay men but will not rule them out completely.
must be tolerant of singing
tickle wars
eating in bed
jazz and showtunes
chick-flicks and romance comedies
and sleeping late
I love to read
love to write
and will ask for your opinion about every single thing
I have a rather fast gait
no-nonsense manner
and an exceptional love for the cold
I like to wrap up in a blanket with a hot drink (preferably coffee or hot chocolate) so it would be nice if you enjoyed that too
I sleep on my stomach
am a heavy sleeper
and I watch Christmas movies all year long
All I want is
eskimo kisses
waking up with a smile on my face
pizza and movie nights
and to laugh, and make you laugh, until we fall in an exhausted heap in bed, both tired from happiness.
must love debates
interesting conversation
decorating and participating in holidays
mischief
light teasing
and staying in
no particular height
weight
hair/ eye color
or political/ spiritual affiliation required
but would prefer a warm, non-racist
sexists
chauvinists
gangsters
and other cliche archetypes need not apply
skinny, lean figures a plus but not pre-requisite
any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to
David Tennant
Mark Darcy
Fitzwilliam Darcy
John Thornton
Edward Rochester
or Mr. Knightley will be met with great enthusiasm
I am dubious of reformed badboys and players, ladies men, criminals and gay men but will not rule them out completely.
must be tolerant of singing
tickle wars
eating in bed
jazz and showtunes
chick-flicks and romance comedies
and sleeping late
I love to read
love to write
and will ask for your opinion about every single thing
I have a rather fast gait
no-nonsense manner
and an exceptional love for the cold
I like to wrap up in a blanket with a hot drink (preferably coffee or hot chocolate) so it would be nice if you enjoyed that too
I sleep on my stomach
am a heavy sleeper
and I watch Christmas movies all year long
All I want is
eskimo kisses
waking up with a smile on my face
pizza and movie nights
and to laugh, and make you laugh, until we fall in an exhausted heap in bed, both tired from happiness.
Monday, July 18, 2011
My Relationship Resume
Totally ripped this idea from THOUGHT CATALOG.
***
Alessandra Martinez Pamandanan
alessa_**@yahoo.com
#12 Grimmauld Place
0916*******
MISSION
To secure a position in a heterosexual relationship where my interests, traits, and personality will amalgamate with another person's interests, traits, and personality thereby providing both parties involved with a habitable, suitable, and satisfying partnership. Following that, I plan to enter an alliance wherein I can fully and extensively exercise my preference of complete (sometimes brutal) honesty and my genuine thirst to make the opposite party happy.
CORE COMPETENCIES
Humorous, at times • Well-read • Open-minded • Interested in the Arts • Loyal • Educated • Rational • Sane • Logical • Sweet, but not overtly so • Hard-working • Has a wide range of taste when it comes to films and music • Sociable • Honest • Relatively Healthy • Will try my hardest to get along with your family/ friends (except if they're complete idiots, then I don't see why I, nor you for that matter, should even bother) • Polite • Generous • Self-Aware • Socially Aware • Not unattrative • Not Insecure (meaning I'm not a paranoid psycho who will nag at you and get jealous of every other girl in your life)
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
NICE GUY WHO MOVED AWAY TO ANOTHER CONTINENT THEREBY LEAVING ME ALONE BOTH LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY, 2006-2007
(part-time)
CEO
• First time to ever date anyone where effort was put in, though it was on and off and very highschool-y.
• Discovered that I do not possess one jealous bone in my body. (Meaning said partner dated around while I obliviously continued thinking we were dating exclusively)
• Found I have a propensity to keep my relationships to myself. (Meaning I don't really talk to my friends/ family about obstacles and roadblocks found in a relationship I want to take seriously.)
• Slowly tried to help said partner in this adjustment phase of his life.
• Effectively communicated with partner (except for that tiny blip where I thought we were exclusively dating) and talked him through many conversations regarding the future, his family, and his friends.
• Found that while I appreciate the romance in looking at the stars while swinging on swings, I'm not really the type to wax lyrical about them.
GOOD GUY WHO PUT UP WITH SOME OF MY QUIRKS BEFORE CALLING IT QUITS, 2007-2008
(full-time)
CEO
• Learned that relationships take work (and not just effort).
• Devoted and threw self completely in said other person's life.
• Became a raging alcoholic as Good Guy enjoyed a bottle (or two, or three, or four...) of alcoholic beverage.
• Took care of said partner when he got too drunk to care about his well-being.
• Had innocent weekly sleep-overs at his house.
• Met his entire family and got to know them pretty well.
• Discovered what it means to be spoiled.
• Talked partner through an identity crisis, as well as soothed his fears of the future and what it might hold for him, never considering what it held for us.
• Realized that am not ready for an adult relationship so when he finally tried to make a move and was met by a rejection, found out what it was like to have a person completely vanish from your life.
• Went through an identity and existential crises myself in the 2 week suspension given to me before work resumed.
• Quietly parted ways shortly after 2 week suspension due to irreconcilable differences.
Please do not hesitate to inquire about my freelancing experience from 2008 onwards.
EDUCATION
Bachelor of Arts, Films and Novels, Since I was born, University of Life, EARTH.
SKILLS & INTERESTS
• The internet, (jazz, alternative, indie, showtunes) music, (old, classics, comedy, drama, period piece, adaptations) films, coffee, cigarettes, (classic, historical romance, bildungsroman, thriller, fantasy, contemporary romance, historical, fiction, drama) novels, literature, Christmas, Halloween, comfort food, pastries, desserts, friends, family, parks, vacations, outings.
• Enjoys writing and performing.
• Proficient in logical and rational thinking, as well as debates and discussions.
REFERENCES
Available upon request.
***
alessa_**@yahoo.com
#12 Grimmauld Place
0916*******
MISSION
To secure a position in a heterosexual relationship where my interests, traits, and personality will amalgamate with another person's interests, traits, and personality thereby providing both parties involved with a habitable, suitable, and satisfying partnership. Following that, I plan to enter an alliance wherein I can fully and extensively exercise my preference of complete (sometimes brutal) honesty and my genuine thirst to make the opposite party happy.
CORE COMPETENCIES
Humorous, at times • Well-read • Open-minded • Interested in the Arts • Loyal • Educated • Rational • Sane • Logical • Sweet, but not overtly so • Hard-working • Has a wide range of taste when it comes to films and music • Sociable • Honest • Relatively Healthy • Will try my hardest to get along with your family/ friends (except if they're complete idiots, then I don't see why I, nor you for that matter, should even bother) • Polite • Generous • Self-Aware • Socially Aware • Not unattrative • Not Insecure (meaning I'm not a paranoid psycho who will nag at you and get jealous of every other girl in your life)
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
NICE GUY WHO MOVED AWAY TO ANOTHER CONTINENT THEREBY LEAVING ME ALONE BOTH LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY, 2006-2007
(part-time)
CEO
• First time to ever date anyone where effort was put in, though it was on and off and very highschool-y.
• Discovered that I do not possess one jealous bone in my body. (Meaning said partner dated around while I obliviously continued thinking we were dating exclusively)
• Found I have a propensity to keep my relationships to myself. (Meaning I don't really talk to my friends/ family about obstacles and roadblocks found in a relationship I want to take seriously.)
• Slowly tried to help said partner in this adjustment phase of his life.
• Effectively communicated with partner (except for that tiny blip where I thought we were exclusively dating) and talked him through many conversations regarding the future, his family, and his friends.
• Found that while I appreciate the romance in looking at the stars while swinging on swings, I'm not really the type to wax lyrical about them.
GOOD GUY WHO PUT UP WITH SOME OF MY QUIRKS BEFORE CALLING IT QUITS, 2007-2008
(full-time)
CEO
• Learned that relationships take work (and not just effort).
• Devoted and threw self completely in said other person's life.
• Became a raging alcoholic as Good Guy enjoyed a bottle (or two, or three, or four...) of alcoholic beverage.
• Took care of said partner when he got too drunk to care about his well-being.
• Had innocent weekly sleep-overs at his house.
• Met his entire family and got to know them pretty well.
• Discovered what it means to be spoiled.
• Talked partner through an identity crisis, as well as soothed his fears of the future and what it might hold for him, never considering what it held for us.
• Realized that am not ready for an adult relationship so when he finally tried to make a move and was met by a rejection, found out what it was like to have a person completely vanish from your life.
• Went through an identity and existential crises myself in the 2 week suspension given to me before work resumed.
• Quietly parted ways shortly after 2 week suspension due to irreconcilable differences.
Please do not hesitate to inquire about my freelancing experience from 2008 onwards.
Bachelor of Arts, Films and Novels, Since I was born, University of Life, EARTH.
• The internet, (jazz, alternative, indie, showtunes) music, (old, classics, comedy, drama, period piece, adaptations) films, coffee, cigarettes, (classic, historical romance, bildungsroman, thriller, fantasy, contemporary romance, historical, fiction, drama) novels, literature, Christmas, Halloween, comfort food, pastries, desserts, friends, family, parks, vacations, outings.
• Enjoys writing and performing.
• Proficient in logical and rational thinking, as well as debates and discussions.
Available upon request.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Genuine Love
A decade ago, Jo and her merry band of witches and wizards turned me into literature.
Thank you, Jo.
And thank you, Harry.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Birthdays & Weekend Getaways
To begin, let me give a warm thank you to everyone who made the effort to greet me on my special day. From the bottom of my black black heart (or what passes for it), I thank you. You are too sweet and too kind. I almost don't deserve it. Haha.
For the weekend of my birthday, I celebrated with my family and friends over at Balai Isabel, Batangas.
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