Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sensitive Topic

Welcome to the age of uninnocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. Instead we have breakfast at 7 am and affairs we try to forget as soon as possible.- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

In a generation whose media portrays pre-marital sex as something so innocuous and normal, the ratio for virgins stand 1:10. There's one virgin amidst a sea of ten very happy, completely chill, sexually active, consenting adults. Looking at it that way, sex doesn't seem like such a big deal. Those one out of ten high-strung adults are as rare a breed as unicorns. Some will think they're prudish, old school -- well, more old testament than old school, and religious zealots, and some will think it's pretty darn great that they decided to wait.

The waiting isn't the problem. What poses a bigger question is what exactly you're waiting for. Some of the more religious girls will say it's a gift they want to bestow to their future husbands. These girls were probably the really sweet, really meek ones who grew up to actually marry Prince Charming. Congratulations. You hit the jackpot. Then again, on the other side of the non-sexually active spectrum, you have the people like me. We're the ones who don't know exactly what we're waiting for. In a world where sex is just as normal as riding a bicycle, is there something wrong with us?

There must be something said for delayed and prolonged gratification. However, there are no guarantees that the first time for us waiting-for-the-right-person/moment can be less painful, or easier to face than those awkward, gangly, teenagers doing it for the first time. It's just as scary for us twenty-somethings. I would even go so far as to say that it might just be harder.

For example:

How do you pick who you want to lose your virginity to? Let's get real. There's a bigger chance of Bozo the Clown falling in love with the Grim Reaper than you marrying the person you lose your virginity to. If you lose your virginity to them AFTER marrying them, that's a different story. But come on, will you even get to that point without sex at this day and age?

Second, how do you NOT suck at it? There's nothing more embarrassing than being such a huge disappointment to whoever you're fooling around with. Especially once you've joined the age of the majority. Being sexually naive is cute in theory, but I'm sure it's more of a hassle than anything else.

Third, should you kiss your dreams of making love after a romantic evening, dim lights, mood music, and scented candles goodbye? Is there less effort put in to sex as you grow older? Will sex be an expectation to and of the dating singleton? If so, at which date is it considered appropriate for you to invite said date inside your place?

Fourth, Should you give in to society's pressure as well as your body's natural inclination to joining with another person's, what is the after sex protocol? Is it a wham, bam, thank you, maam? Do you just get up, get dressed, thank them and leave? Do you have permission to use their shower first? Is naked cuddling under the sheets expected? Do you spoon? Do you spend the night in their arms? And following the latter, if you do happen to spend an all-nighter at someone else's place, how do you deal with the morning after? Can you help yourself to the food in their kitchen? Or coffee, at the least? Do you wear his shirt or fit your body back into that skin-tight, alcohol stained, cigarette smelling dress of yours from the night before? Do you just leave? Do you leave a note? Do you wake them up? What do you say to them if they wake up just as you're dressing up? Should you expect a call from them? Will they expect a call from you? The questions are endless, and after years of existence, you'd think that someone would just finally write a tell-all, dating how-to book and save us the time, pain, and pressure of having to navigate the dangerous waters of dating.

Fifth, is it better to just get sex out of the way as early as possible? If I could transport myself back to a younger age, one where I was a reckless teenager and it was permitted, because I was, well, a teenager, and the opportunity presented itself, should I have just given in then to avoid all of the confusing and conflicting emotions it carries in the future? And if just getting sex out of the way makes things easier, should I just literally ask a friend to take my virginity away before having fun, uncomplicated sex with a significant other thereby lessening the pain they will ultimately inflict upon me when our sham of a relationship falls to pieces? Is it better to be able to say "hey, at least I didn't give that prick the benefit of being my first!"?

And to cap it all off, will sex change me as a person? Sure, changes will undoubtedly be brought about... but losing your virginity for the first time is a big deal. And sex, in general, is a big deal. I want it to stay that way. I never want to be desensitized from that... but once I realize that no big change actually happened, the world didn't end, the ground didn't shake, mountains stayed where they are, the sky is still blue, will sex mean less and less as you get it more and more?

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