Saturday, June 9, 2012

Number Obsessed

These days, we live in a Number Obsessed world. Left and right, you're looking at people who are too scared of their number. Someone's afraid of how much money they make, the other is afraid of taking control of how much they should be making; girls are afraid of how many lovers they've had, men are afraid of how many lovers their lover has had; the tiniest girl is afraid of gaining weight, the chubby girl can't look at the weighing scale; the movie star who thinks her movies aren't making enough, the popstar whose record went platinum wants an encore; the writer who wants more articles, and the blogger who is obsessed with her page count.

When pressure to be whatever depends on the entirely too fickle-minded society of the media -- hollywood, royals, the internet, etc -- one can not help but feel some sort of inadequacy or cowardice over one's "shortcoming/s". Personally, I am a victim of this craze. I check my weighing scale daily, save every last penny, and feel some form of relief when I see that I still get through to some people. While I'm usually self-content and scorn those who have a need for other's approval, I can't help but feel some sort of elation and satisfaction when a stranger likes a photo I post on instagram, when my FB status/ wallpost gets likes and comments and shares, when my twitter follower count goes up, when my business gets complimented or featured, and when I see just how many people read my blog.

In a way, the satisfaction I feel is short-lived and I immediately find myself looking for the next big thing. Slowly, I'm trying to tell myself that, ultimately, my number does not matter. I'm still learning and I'm still trying. Until then, I'll have to handle all these thoughts and keep them in check.

Wish me luck.