Thursday, April 8, 2010

Happy Anniversary!

This April marks the 6th year of my blogging existence. Have I really been writing for that long? I suppose I must have... for as far back as I can remember, I've always been writing.

I used to update my blog much more frequently back when I was in HS - my "lost years". The teenage years -- adolescence; that rocky transition from puberty to adulthood where emotions are intensified, feelings run high, and paranoia that the world is conspiring against you takes over. It's almost shameful to witness how whiny and ungrateful I sounded. Almost. Some events that transpired back then justified all the complaining I did. I suppose some bitching and ranting were unwarranted, especially with how loosely I used to choose my words, but time has taken its toll on me and softened my rapier tongue.

Wisdom has arrived with age, as well. I now choose what parts of my life I share to my readers -- a fierce protectiveness over my privacy has developed. Over the years, I've grown more wary of people, expecting everyone to use my words, thoughts, and emotions as ammunition against me. This is deserved, for it had been done before. Still, I couldn't not write. So I had to share something, meager as it may be.

In hindsight, I am very grateful for having the presence of mind to document those lost years. It fed my soul. It became an insight to all the suffering (or what I had considered suffering) I went through. A document. A legacy. Something to hold on to. Do not misunderstand me though, while I am grateful, this does not mean it wasn't painful. Highschool always did have a reputation for being the prime suffering years.

What am I getting at? Well, for now, on the anniversary of my work, this is my gift: I choose to explain to you, my very loyal readers, why I am not as active in my blogging as I used to be - you deserve to know. It isn't because my muse abandoned me, it isn't because I've lost my mojo, it isn't because the non-stop internal monologue in my brain has ceased, for it hasn't at all. It is because, as I mentioned earlier, I have simply chosen what parts of my life I can spare to share.

I haven't plenty, though I wish I did... but really, what I have is you. So this post is dedicated to you -- thank you for joining me in my journey thus far. I wish for more years with you.

A thousand times thankful,

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