On Loss

Is it possible to feel pain for an abstract concept?

Can you feel the loss of something that was yours in theory, but not in truth?

At midnight last night, 20 weeks into her pregnancy, my sister gave an early birth to a beautiful baby girl. While she entered this world breathing and alive, her time with us was cut horribly short as she wasn't ready for it yet.

We were all out with our own plans for the evening when we received word of the tragedy. And though some might say she wasn't ours just yet, about how none of us had met her or spoken word to her, or spent time with her, we grieve for the loss of what could be, we grieve for each other, and mostly, we grieve for our sister, our daughter, our mother.

My sister is one of the strongest women -- people, I have had the opportunity of knowing. She's a tough cookie and she's keeping strong. While none of us doubt that she will get through this, body, mind, and soul intact, we feel the toll it is taking on her as well. We want to give hugs, hold her hand, and offer words of comfort, but what do you say to someone who is going through this? What do you say when dreams of sleepless nights, cuddling, raising and rearing a child is pried right from your very fingers? How to comfort someone when you see them, fetal-position, afraid and angry at the world? How do the words come out when your breath catches, you lose your voice, and it's taking every inch of your being to prevent the tears from falling? How can you offer your strength when you are just as naked?

**

And because I'm crying buckets, facebook decides to kick me when I'm down. Here's a thread from my Mum's facebook status.

MOM
Status: the pain a mother is twice the pain of her child for she has to endure her child's pain as well as her own.

MOM'S FRIEND 1:
so true....

MOM:
my daughter just gave birth at 20 weeks to a baby girl. it wasn't a still birth but the baby passed away after a few minutes because it was too early for her. my heart is bleeding both for my daughter and my little baby girl.

MOM'S SISTER:
What sad sad news for Ida and for all of you. Prayers will be offered for the little one, and for Ida too.

MOM:
thanks, ate. i really feel so bad.

MOM'S FRIEND 1:
am sorry to hear that my dear. Will pray that God give you and specially your daughter the strength to endure the loss. =(

MOM:
thank you, susan. i prayed so hard last night that this would not happen but my prayers were left unanswered. at this point, can't help asking why. so many babies are born from unwanted pregnancies. why take a child who is already so loved and wanted long before she is born?

MOM'S SISTER 2:
Oh dear. Your baby girl is now an Angel and is in a wonderful, peaceful place. Do find comfort in that. As for Ida and JC, you and the rest of the family, you all have each other. God will tell you why in His own time and time is now your friend.

MOM:
thanks, vikki. and for the call, too.