Wednesday, August 26, 2009

In search of the stars

We live in benighted times. And I am, undoubtedly, the most benighted of (wo)men.

For those uninformed, when it comes to dreams, I'm the girl in the know. Writing, Acting, Singing, Traveling -- name it, and more likely than not, I've dreamt about it.

A couple of weeks ago, a spark ignited in me. An all-consuming, terrifying, mind-boggling abyss of certainty -- I don't want to go back to school, I want to pursue my dream. For almost 2 semesters now, I've been staying home, away from where I should safely be tucked (school), and trying to satisfy this love for reading. While I know for sure that it'll never fully be satiated, I tried to dim the burn. For what reason? I can't be too sure. Maybe to help me focus more on studying academics than reading fiction, maybe so I can leave my indolent lifestyle and do something requiring more than just neurons for a change. Whatever the cause is irrelevant now, because instead of killing it, I've only added fuel to the flame.

A couple of friends I've talked to about leaving my studies for good seem to think that I've only set the way to my destruction. In my heart, I know they just don't understand. In my head, I think "well, the path to hell is paved with good intentions..." It's beyond difficult for me to hear this, though I can't be sure if it bruised my heart or my ego. Somewhere inside my vindictive, proud, self, I think "well, you don't know because you're so un-attuned to your own imagination" and I figure they'd go to Hades for such idiotic sentiments. Rationally, I know where they're coming from.

We live in benighted times.

So little oppurtunities are available to college undergrads such as myself, especially if there's a specific field we want to enter. And what's worse is that even less are offered to females having just passed the age of majority. Forget creativity, fuck innovations. What the world is looking for now is a flock of misinformed and easily molded human-bots ready to do at their bidding.

The greatest ignoramuses are borne out of schools. They rear disciples, imitators, and routinists. All new ideas and creative geniuses be damned (not to say that I belong in such number, don't get me wrong)... it is just, I have found that school days are the most dreadful in the span of human existence. They brutally beat out of children all sense of self and common decency. They arrange everything for a child making him unable to produce ideas of his own. What boils my blood the most about having been forced to attend this farcical rite of passage that we call school is that while I was there, not only did they fail to teach me what they professed, but they also prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all that I might have learned at home by myself. If attending school has taught me anything, it is that nothing worth knowing can ever be taught.

So in lieu of being able to hone our skills, we are instead brainwashed to limit them to society's standards. "No thinking beyond the box, men; computers do it for us now". "You refuse to kowtow to our demands? Off with your head!"

We live in benighted times.

The world will always punish the few people with special talents the rest of us don’t recognize as real.

It is a shame to live in a world where people have stopped depending on one another, and have started depending on technology.

A world of adult infants, an army of mental midgets. Emaciated brains, anorexic minds.

Information starved,

P.S. Forgive the unruly post, it's just one of those days where thoughts fly into my head, leaving me to try and catch them. I just figured I'd blog since it has been awhile.

P.P.S. The correct plural of “ignoramus” is “ignoramuses”. This may sound odd, as the word is from Latin, leading one to think the plural ought to be “ignorami”. But it was never a noun in Latin, only a verb, meaning “we do not know”.

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