People

Every once in awhile, people surprise you. A friendly smile to brighten your day or a friend you haven't seen nor spoken to in 4 years will turn out as your knight-in-shining armor.

When you find yourself in a difficult position with none of your closest friends being able to help you, you find that there are some things you have to do, like ask an old flame for a favor, no matter how difficult, awkward, or painful it might be. You've managed to stay civil since the falling out, sure, but you never had the chance to rekindle the past or at least keep things friendly enough. Truth be told, it's hard to stay friends with someone you know had the potential to be more. So, you swallow what's left of your pride, and you bite the bullet. You take a shot at asking for a favor. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Message received. He's going to help out. Relief kicks in, followed almost immediately by dread and anxiety. What on earth do you talk about? How do you act? While you nervously await his help, you fumble. You grab at your hair, bite your nails, pace the floor. You go through countless past conversations and memories in your head, and you categorize them into "safe topics" and "topics to avoid." You list down all of your mutual friends and acquaintances, as well as relatives, and you ask how they're doing. Every second feels like an eternity. You wait, and you wait some more.

When you finally get that dreaded call letting you know he's probably there, your voice shakes as you answer. You both scan the perimeter, looking for a sign of each other. Finally, your gaze focuses. You can't even recognize each other anymore. You approach, worry in your eyebrows. "Hi." "Hey." And things fall into place. You revert to your past behavior and you're both completely at ease. Amazing.

The time spent together spans into a lifetime apart and you find the bonding cut short. You feel like you could talk for days. A certain sadness looms in the air.

Then, as a testament to clouds and silver linings, you realize that it was all a blessing. You needed this. This person was the person who never let you down, true, but you also realize that while you still understand why you adored this person, you know things ended up as they should.

Your feelings are intact. A heart up for grabs.

To you, whoever you are, thank you. After 4 years, I could still count on you. After 4 years, you still never let me down. After 4 years, you're still the same person I've always known.

Thankful,
Essa.