A response to a blog post that my friend, Criela, wrote regarding Contemporary Relationships. (Read it HERE)
In a generation of adult infants as weary and indolent as ours, it's easy to blame laziness and sluggishness as the cause and root of all of our problems. Romance is dead; people just don't have the time, nor energy, nor effort to participate in such an archaic and antiquated practice.
Personally, I don't see that. Everyday I look at the world, and while I observe that it is harsher and crueler than it used to be, I am constantly amazed by just how much love and romance has pushed the boundaries of society in our boundless, endless, infinite world. The hate and violence that clouds us is not even a tenth of just how much love has enveloped our surroundings. Often we catch glimpses of it, yet just because it is not dignified, or refined, or newsworthy, we let it slide off of us like silk to skin. Like warm butter.
Romance in the 21st century is not the stuff of girlish dreams anymore. It is not princes and castles, it is no longer duels and battles, no longer John Cusack holding a boombox in his shoulder. Romance has become subjective. Gone are the days of ultimatums and challenges. To idealize that in your head is delusion, and brings about stretches of loneliness. However, just because romance has changed doesn't make it any less romantic.
No doubt, chivalry and romance has made way for humping and dumping. We are the fast-food generation. We can get anything we want at the click of a button. Why buy the cow when you can order just the milk and have it delivered to your doorstep? Why put in effort when it is eagerly given sans work? This paved the way to branches and sub-categories of relationships. None of us signed the form, but we knew it was coming, and no one complained.
With the myriad of "Contemporary Relationships" being practiced these days, it's hard not to fall in that trap with somebody. And yes, that's difficult. Yes, that's painful. Yes, sometimes you want to pull your hair out as you deal with this gut-wrenching emptiness and anxiety over where you stand, who you are, what you mean to this person. Yes, this void of despair and uncertainty claws at you until your skin has bled dry from all the scratch marks, the dna of which still under the deepest recesses of your nails. The loneliness, the bitter remarks, the eventual building of this virtually impenetrable wall, the grief, the distress, the apprehension... it's all there. And yes, usually, it's the females who go through this. But this I can say for certain: the blame cannot rest on the man's shoulders. That is unfair.
I am a firm believe of people being treated the way they deserve to be treated. I will allow that this does not hold true for those dealing with true-to-life mentally unstable human beings. No, I'm not talking about the depressives and neurotics, I'm talking about those sociopaths and psychopaths and murderers who are not capable of rational thought. I believe that if you find all guys are treating you like crap, you probably treat other people like crap. If you find guys treating you like a whore, then you must be a whore. You cannot preach to looking for guys who are searching for more than a short skirt while wearing a short skirt yourself. That's like bombing for peace, or screwing for virginity. It is hypocritical to the highest level. It is pretense embodied. It is duplicity epitomized.
A man will not wine and dine someone who presents herself in a way that makes him think she is not that type of person. A man will not romance a lady who does not need to be romanced. A man will not tread carefully around someone who is giving off come hither looks. I had thought that by now, this would be obvious. If you're the type of person who dreams of love that spans years and continents, love that endures bloodshed and politics, love that withstands plagues and disease, you cannot be the type of person who basks in the attention of many. You have to be content with just capturing the eyes, the soul, the heart of this one special person.
You cannot sanctify kisses when you are so eager to give yours out yourself. I'm sick and tired of all these women complaining and bemoaning men yet refuse to see or accept that the problem may lie within their own self. Recognize that you might be the problem and maybe you might find that that was exactly what you needed to get you to where you want to go. Be open to the possibility that the times have changed not the men, but the women.