Thursday, December 30, 2010

Another last...

I've had to say goodbye to my sister, niece, and brother-in-law tons of times, more times than I care to count. Like scratching a scab before the wound beneath has fully healed though, the pain intensifies instead of eases. I've always known that each time I see them, an expiration date looms closer. A little ticking bomb eating at the time. When you're with them, however, time seems to stand still and you forget that the moments are limited and the bonding temporary. That's the way it usually goes when it comes to family - you revert back to childhood behavior and you feel ensconced in your tiny corner of the world where nothing can go wrong, nothing can harm you.

No matter how often I've had to say goodbye to them, it still hurts. It's still one more time I see them leave, and one more time they have to leave us behind. It's still more tears shed and pangs of heartache felt. I still consider myself lucky, when I come to think of it. We fly in and out to see each other as much as we can, and we see each other much more than other families do. This has taught us to spend our years in countdowns. Countdowns to the next big event, or the next time we see each other, or the next time we're complete. I live for moments like those... and the rest of my days are spent in a daze. An in-between place where nothing extraordinary happens.

Still, we must all trudge forward with our lives, no matter how difficult or painful it may be or seem. I write tonight in scattered contemplation of how harsh life may sometimes look. But I write for the present, and I write for the future.

What this post all boils down to is... I love you guys. And I'll miss you. And I can't wait to be reunited.


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